- Man discovered the gun and invented hunting. Woman discovered hunting and invented mink. - Man discovered the colors and invented painting. Woman discovered painting and invented mascara. - Man discovered the World and invented conversation. Woman discovered conversation and invented gossip. - Man discovered play and invented cards. Woman discovered cards and invented fortune telling. - Man discovered friendship and invented love. Woman discovered love and invented marriage. - Man discovered woman and invented sex. Woman discovered sex and invented migraine. - Man discovered trade and invented money. Woman discovered money and all is darned...
You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate. --Jay Leno America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. --Jay Leno Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. --Conan O'Brien Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser. --Jay Leno Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary? A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. --David Letterman Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? A: America ! --Jimmy Fallon Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo? A: Bo has papers. --Jimmy Kimmel Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program? A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. --David Letterman ...and here is one more giggle. Here's the latest Obama bumper sticker: "If Obama is the answer...just how stupid WAS that question?"
A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious... So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors. The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50.." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"
I can't believe the limo crowd has turned on the anointed one. Wow. Good stuff. I'll have to start paying attention. A chicago politician turned out to be a Chicago Politician. Who da thunk? Signs the amateur comedian is getting dimensia. "So, two Jews walk into a bar. They buy a talking dog. Then, the gay guy comes in and says, "I think I'll have the buffet."" "Dad, we want to talk to you. We think the house is too big for you to take care of......." Don't let anyone film you having sex. Wait, is this "Life's tips" thread?. I'm so tired.
Finally, a woman with 3 whispering eyes Whispering Eyes <object width="400" height="302"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=3027625&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=1&color=&fullscreen=1&autoplay=0&loop=0" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=3027625&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=1&color=&fullscreen=1&autoplay=0&loop=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="302"></embed></object><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/3027625">Mouth Eyes</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/jessicaharrison">Jessica Harrison</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>
For the amusment of the ladies. 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX because they are plugged into a genius 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? they don't have enough time 3. WHY DOES I T TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? they don't stop to ask directions 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock LOL, now that was funny. 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties 6. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? because a vibrator can't mow the lawn Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.