Those Silly Brits The following questions were set in last yearâs GCSE examination in England. These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining: Q. Name the four seasons. A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q. How is dew formed? A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q. What causes the tides in the oceans? A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight. Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on. A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed. Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections? A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Q. What are steroids? A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q. What happens to your body as you age? A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A. Premature death. Q. What is artificial insemination? A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q. How can you delay milk turning sour? A. Keep it in the cow. Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts â the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U. Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie. Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q. Give the meaning of the term âCaesarean sectionâ A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. Q. What does the word âbenignâ mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
Why are Jewish men circumsized? Because no Jewish woman would touch anything that's at minimum 10% off.
A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said "I am so sorry for your loss and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" The woman replied "Well, that first hearse is for my husband." "What happened to him?" The woman replied "My dog attacked and killed him." She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women. "Could I borrow that dog?" "Get in line."
<img src="http://www.nedhardy.com/wp-content/uploads/images/2010/june/steve_jobs_bill_gates_new_iphone.jpg" alt="some_text"/>
Killed me. just killed....... Can't remember why though. I am stockpiling my favorite mystery movies - lots of Hitchcock, the Sting. Told the wife that when it hits, and I'm close now, I'll be able to enjoy it all over again when Redford gets up after being shot. come to think about it, really only need "The Sting". very night it will be, "Nurse, what's the movie"? "The Sting", Mister Tiger. "Oh, goodie. I've been wanting to see that."
<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2AAa0gd7ClM&hl=en_US&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/2AAa0gd7ClM&hl=en_US&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>
Have you ever had an accident at work? Not your fault? Do you need legal representation? Yes, my secretary is pregnant, she told me she was on the pill.