You mean, even after registering w/ the State, this kid's parents let him come to your door? Remarkable.
This may be a repeat, and you can of course change the names to match your particulary politcal persuasing, but this is how I received it. George W. Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, 'Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?' 'Well,' says the Queen, 'The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.' Bush frowns. 'But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?' The Queen takes a sip of tea. 'Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence test. Listen to this'. The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. 'Please! send Tony Blair in here, would you?' Tony Blair walks into the room. 'Yes, Your Majesty?' The Queen smiles. 'Answer me ! this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?' Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, 'That would be me.' 'Yes! Very good,' says the Queen. Back at the White House, Bush asks to speak with Vice President Dick Cheney. 'Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?' 'I'm not sure,' says the Vice President. 'Let me get back to you on that one.' Dick Cheney goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Dick shouts, 'Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?' Colin Powell yells back, 'That's easy. It's me!' Dick Cheney smiles. 'Thanks!' Cheney goes back to the Oval Office to speak with Bush. 'Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell.' Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face, 'No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!' c
"You mean, even after registering w/ the State, this kid's parents let him come to your door? Remarkable" Dang. Had to toss the Pee Wee Herman costume, then the Michael Jackson costume, the priest costume was a riot, (sigh) had to toss that one. Can't say trick or treat - Hookers are people too.
Politcally incorrect costumes Raggedy Ann. This costume clearly objectifies women. Werewolf. Offensive to animal advocates and those with male-pattern baldness. Cave man. The proper term should be "evolutionally challenged"; "man" is overtly sexist; also insulting to those in loincloths. Cop. Authority figures should not be ridiculed. Grim Reaper. Trivializes death; may also encourage children to use scythes without the necessary supervision. Napoleon. Offends the French. (In much the same way deodorant does.) Frankenstein's Monster. Pokes fun at those with psychological or emotional problems, as well as those with identity crises. Bride of Frankenstein. Extremely offensive to womenâthey should not be known by, or valued more, merely because of their husbands. Skeleton. Exhibits an insensitivity toward those with eating disorders. Angel. Mocks religion and the religious. Hunchback of Notre Dame. Ridicules those with physical deformities, as well as those suffering from "ligyrophobia," a fear of noise. Dracula. Endorses the irresponsible practice of transmitting bodily fluids. Sigmund Freud. Insults those with the lifelong opinion that a cigar is just a cigar. Flapper. Demeaning to women and tassel salesmen. Gladiator. Insensitive to cross-dressers. Cowboy. Encourages violence, cruelty to animals and spontaneous "whooping." Mafioso (mobster, "wise guy"). Unfairly stereotypes Italian-Americans. OK, actually, fairly stereotypes Italian-Americans, but it's still stereotyping. Tarzan. Condones mistreatment of minorities and animals. Again, hurtful to those in loincloths. Ghost. Glorifies the occult. Witch. Religious persecution. Also pertains to warlocks, Gnostics, conjurers, chiromancers, shamans and Druids. Leprechaun. Shows contempt for the Irish-American community, as well as the diminutive. Presidents. Encourages scorn and contempt for authority figures, at least half of whom have no criminal record whatsoever. (See also "Cop.") Timmay - Offensive to Hedge Fund managers. Characters from Star Wars. Offensive to Star Trek fans. Characters from Star Trek. Offensive to Star Wars fans. Mummy. Offends Egyptians, embalmers and the undead. Genie. Objectifies women; subjects those who may be "buxom challenged" to ridicule. (Note: Same applies to wenches.) Pirate. Distasteful to those with hooks for hands and the vision impaired (wearers of eye patches), not to mention parrot owners. Zombie. Disrespectful of the dead. Princess. Contributes to myth that women must be "rescued" to live happily ever after (same goes for Snow White); also insulting to certain Jewish-Americans. Gorilla. Condescending to our friends in the wild kingdom. Medusa. Exploits animals; sends the wrong message to young girls by implying women are defined by their physical appearance. Gumby. Ridicules those with disfigurements (especially of the head). Knight. Offensive to dragons, I imagine. Baby. Promotes a lack of respect for youth, human life and those who drool voluminously. Biblical Figures. Religion is no laughing matter, except for that part about Noah fitting four million species of animals onto one boat. Ballerina. Cruelly mocks the short, not to mention the waif-like. Indian. Native-Americans have been oppressed, slaughtered and persecutedâimitation buckskin and feathers are the final insult. Devil. Affront to demons and those currently possessed by demons; Satanists are people, too, all right? Sports Figures. Belittles our heroes. Convict/Prisoner. See "Sports Figures"âthe groups often seem to overlap. Fairy. Offensive to interior designers and choreographers. (Note: The same guideline applies to sprites and pixies.) Priest. The Catholic church has enough to worry about without being the butt of jokes (if you'll pardon the expression). Bandito. Racial stereotype; subtly condones handlebar mustaches. Headless Horseman. Blatantly sexist; wrongfully pigeonholes equestrians; also involves another physical deformityâoffensive to amputees and the headless. Viking. Endorses razing; in addition, glorifies pillaging and ravishing. Porky Pig. Insensitive to members of the Jewish-American community (as well as members of Weight Watchers). Klingon. Unjustly hurtful to illegal, as well as resident, aliens. (See also "Characters from Star Trek.") Hobo. Derides the economically and hygienically disadvantaged. Professional wrestlers. Offensive to just about everybody. (See also "Sports Figures.") Mermaid. Slights women and aquatic life simultaneously. Daffy Duck. Unkind to those with speech impediments. (Same goes for Elmer Fudd and Barbara Walters.) Phantom of the Opera. Unfeeling toward those with physical malformations; shows contempt for those committed to ridding the civilized world of musicals. Ninja. Perpetuates stereotype of Asians; also promotes "lurking." Albert Einstein. Insulting to those who have a problem comprehending the particle nature of light. Chinaman. Sexist; racist; upsetting to immigrants and honor students. Clown. Deeply offensive to Geraldo Rivera. Aunt Jemima. Racially inflammatory; serves to exacerbate the already incendiary "pancake vs. waffle" debate. Robin Hood/Merry Men. Suggests an intolerance for those with alternative lifestyles.
Remember when Pee Wee got busted in the Sarasota Porn Theater. To you youngsters, before the one stop jerk shop you call the Internet, they used to show Porn Movies in theaters inhabited by surley types in trenchcoats and dark glasses, or so I 've heard. Anyway, they caught him polishing the sword, stroking the bishop, wanking the winkie in the theater and arrested him. Story was, he refused council - thought he could get himself off.
A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't YOU do that?" said the wife. "Honey," replied the husband, "I don't even know that woman!"
A West Virginia couple, both certified rednecks, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed." The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision do this. Why after nine children? The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
Picked this one up in my current issue of Ranger Rick. It was the day before my 8th birthday. I was home alone, my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a "pajama party" (mmmm lemony). As she didn't come over in her pajama's I said she would have to take a bubble bath and play "Can I watch?" Just when we were playing too rough and too loud, the telephone started ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, and we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE'. My entire family - parents, grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my friends, were standing there staring. My girlfriend and I were frozen on the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment and I said "Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer".
Los Angeles Two men were sitting side by side on an airliner flying from Denver to Los Angeles. The first man appeared nervous and finally explained that he was being transferred to LA. "I hate Los Angeles," he said. "Everything you hear about LA is bad -- smog, traffic, and worst of all, the crime. Gangs everywhere, people getting shot and robbed, things stolen, car jackings, and everyone hates everyone else." "Oh, it's not that bad," said the second man. "I live in LA myself. Most of that stuff you read is media hype. It's just not true. You'll find LA is just like any other city, anywhere in America." "Really?" responded the first. "Boy, that makes me feel a lot better. You say you live in LA -- what do you do for a living?" "I'm a tail gunner on a Bud Lite delivery truck."
Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, " Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, "Here - try these on." She did and said, "These are too big, I can't wear them." I replied, "Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will." "Ever since that night we never had any problems." "Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here - try these on." She tried them on and said, "These are too big. They don't fit me." Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said, "Here-you try on mine." He did and said, "I can't get into your pants." Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will." And they lived happily ever. :eek: