Anyway, like I was sayin', oil is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, oil-kabobs, oil creole, oil gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple oil, lemon oil, coconut oil, pepper oil, oil soup, oil stew, oil salad, oil and potatoes, oil burger, oil sandwich. That- that's about it.
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... --- When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... --- After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... --- I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... --- A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....
Jack and Jill went up the hill, so Jack could lick Jills fanny, He got a shock and a mouthful of cock, 'cause Jills a pre-op tranny.
When you meet your girlfriends Dad for the first time it is not a good thing to say " I see where she gets her pot belly from".
Man: "Waiter, there are two ears in my soup." Waiter: "Eh?" ------------ So the waiter goes to a church and the vicar asks if he can help. "can you pray for my hearing please?" says the waiter. The vicar puts one hand on waiters ears and the other on top of his head and prays. The Vicar then asks how his hearing is. The waiter replies "I don't know yet its not until next thursday"
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
The Pharaoh was dictating, and his hieroglyphics scribe was busily chipping away at the stone tablet. "I have plans . . . to form," the monarch said slowly, "a personal bodyguard . . . of stalwart . . and virile . . . young men." The chips flew, but then suddenly ceased flying, and the perspiring chiseler looked up inquiringly, "Excuse me, your Majesty, but is virile spelled with one or two testicles?"
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