Jokes 2

If your name is Rob, you really should shout “You got robbed!” right after sex.

 

Sensors to measure the pressure of oil gushing from the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico were being deployed Sunday to give the government a better idea of how much oil is flowing, according to the Obama administration's point man on the environmental disaster.

It's called a fucking pellican. If he comes back oily, there's still oil out there.

 

I’m reading this self-help book, “The Secret”. You know what the secret is… $19.95 in someone elses pocket.

 

Whenever I want the hotel jacuzzi to myself, I sit facing the jets. No one bothers me when I do that.

 

Edgar Allen Poe walks into a bar. He orders a vodka tonic. The bartender asks: “What kind of vodka?” The raven on Poe’s shoulder says: “Stoli.”

 

I've had so many dogs run over in the street in front of my house I'm going to name my next one Asphalt.

 

Make Your Own Parking Spot

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/LvLu9Nfd_SU&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xd0d0d0&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/LvLu9Nfd_SU&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xd0d0d0&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

 

Paul Hunt 1988

<object style="height: 344px; width: 425px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/EO_BnsrWMnI"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/EO_BnsrWMnI" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></object>

 

Pasul Hunt 1981

<object style="height: 344px; width: 425px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/tu-YAMiS5wA"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/tu-YAMiS5wA" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></object>

 

The Good Waiter

A man gave the waiter his order, "Black coffee, no cream."

The waiter went into the kitchen and came back in a few minutes with an apology:

"I'm sorry, we're out of cream. Would you take your coffee without milk?"