Is America Ready for a FLILF? http://www.comedycentral.com/mother..._origin_url=/&ml_playlist=&lnk=&is_large=true
Kucinich must be hung like Trigger. She probably puts a bag on his head, and then wears one herself incase his breaks. Maybe she goes from those ears; they gotta be the original "love handles".
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VER Y handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you" She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just >about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that - 1) you have to be single and 2) you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?" "F orgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's O K. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party!"
Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take their orders. "And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?" The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I will have a glass of plasma." The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light!"
From the thirties, at least.... Guy is in a diner, orders the chicken soup. Waiter hollers out, Chicken Soup, table four. Diner says, "hold it. Lemme have the pea soup instead. Waiter hollers. "hold the chicken. Make it pea."
Now ya got me thinking about old jokes. "The wheelbarrow was invented to teach the Irish to walk on their hindlegs" (Feb. 1924).
A man walks into a psychiatristâs office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist says, âWell⦠I can clearly see your nuts.â
Guy's sitting in the Dr.'s office with a frog on his head. The receptionist, obviously upset, burst in on the Doctor, to his dismay. "Sorry, Doc, but there's a guy sitting out there with a frog on his head." "Ok", he says, " call the police, but send him in to me so I can at least get him out of the waiting room." Guy comes in, sits down. Doc says, "So, uh, what, uh, seems to be the problem." Frog says, "can you get this guy off my ass?"
So anyways, I live about 1000 yards off the road, nobody comes trick or treating at my house. Last year this pudgy 10 year old kid walked all the way down my driveway by himself and knocks on the door on Halloween dressed up as a chef. I'm thinking to myself, "kid thinks he's Emeril". I ain't got any candy, I looked around the kitchen and thought fk it, I gave him a gallon of olive oil (it was a metal container). I dropped it in his bag and said "Happy Cooking". I watched him walk down the driveway the bag is dragging on the ground. Next morning when I went to get the mail I saw a trail of candy all the way down to the main road. He must of got a hole in his bag from dragging it.