Jokes 2

Cash clerk to customer: Looks like this penny is real.

Woman: "Thank goodness, for a moment I thought I blew the guy for nothing."

 

Cash clerk replies: Well, okay, then. Here's your fake fifty dollar bill back....a deal is a deal.

 

Form Vs Function

Rose accompanied her husband Tom to his annual checkup.

While Tom was getting dressed, the doctor came out and said to Rose, “I don’t like the way he looks...”

“Neither do I,” she said. “But he’s handy around the house!”

 

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. Sid asked Al, "Are there any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?" Al replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" The waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cooks."

He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said "No sir, no Mexican Jews." Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, "Are you absolutely sure?" The waiter, realising he was dealing with "Gringos" gave the expected answer, "I will check again, Senor!" and went back into the kitchen. While the waiter was away, Sid said, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico! Our people are scattered everywhere."

The waiter returned and said, "Senor, the head cook said there is no Mexican Jews." "Are you certain?" Al asked once again. "I can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!" "Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replied the exasperated waiter, "...and all we have is orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews, and grape jews."

 

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean." The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation, but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency, and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane, and all the swimmers are on the right side."
After this announcement, all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later, the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an announcement, "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... "Thank You For Flying Lufthansa."

 

Old Yiddish story, the shopkeeper who answers his son's question about ethics............

"Mrs Loeb comes in to buy a bolt of cloth. She pays with a fifty dollar bill. After she leaves, you notice there are actually two fifties stuck together. Here is where Ethics comes into play - do you tell your partner?"

 

Good news guys. Gm has finally developed a car that runs on water!


Sadly, so far it only works with the water from the Gulf of Mexico.

 

Who wrote the book on overpopulation in China?

Wi Fuk Yung.

 

I was talking to this girl in a club and we discovered our mothers where both having their birthdays on Sunday so she asked me what I was getting her.

I said."She want's us all to bring something for lunch."

The music was loud so she leant in a bit closer. "What?"

I said. "Something for lunch."

Still struggling to hear me, she said. "You've got what?"

I shouted a bit louder. "I've got her peas."

I'm not sure why but she left off after that.

 

Why it is that concept's like Gay and Lesbian don't exist in the accounting world….

That's because no-ones ever determined the gender/sex of a calculator