Chinese Wisdom To The Rescue Mr Wong was very mad at his wife who gave birth to a Caucasian baby. She then pointed out that, as everybody knows, from ancient times, two wongs make one white...
You can never top, "cream of Sum Yung Guy". After that one,throw all the Chinese jokes out. Impossible to get even close to that.
I went to get on the bus this morning and the driver said to me "I'm jam packed full" I said "I don't care what your name is, I just want to get to work"
My dad always said I should follow my dreams. Good thing I never did because I would've drowned by now.
Regulators May Never Know Cause of Flash Crash, Crop circles big foot, the lost treasure of the alamo, area 51, origin of daylight savings time. Sigh another unsolved mystery
A man walks by a bar that has a sign in its window: PIANO PLAYER WANTED. He grabs the sign, walks in the bar and says to the manager, "I play the piano. I'd like to have the piano player's job." The manager says, "Well let's hear you play first." The man sits down and plays the most beautiful song the manager has ever heard. The manager is crying for joy at the beauty of the song. "That song is so wonderful!" he exclaims. "But I've never heard it before. I must know what it's called!" "Well," the man says, "it's an original tune. I wrote it myself. It's called "Cream of Sum young guy" Oh," says the manager, taken somewhat aback. "Well, do you know any other songs?" "Sure!" says the man and proceeds to play a song even more outstanding than the first one. The manager is once again beside himself with emotion, swept away even more than he was with the first song. "Oh my God!" he shouts. "Never have I seen such artistry! And again, a song I've never heard before! I must know the name of this beautiful tune!" The man says, "Thank you. It's another original song that I wrote myself. It's called ' Blow Your Brother, Fuck a Goat, and Tell Me That You Love Me Waltz, in D Minor.' " The manager thinks for a moment and says, "Look I like the way you play piano, and I'm going to hire you. But only on one condition: Don't ever tell my customers the names of the songs that you're playing." The man agrees and comes to play that very night. The crowd is stunned by his mastery of the piano and the beauty of his compositions. He gets a standing ovation at the end of each one of his songs. At the end of an hour and a half, the man has to go to the bathroom, so he stops playing and announces to the audience, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to take a short break now. Please stay and enjoy a drink, and I'll be back to play again for you in fifteen minutes." After he pees, he forgets to zip up his zipper. On his way out of the bathroom another man stops him and says: "Hey, do you know your zipper's undone and your cock's hanging out?" The man says, "Know it? I wrote it!"
Famous quotes from Da' Maya http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/ct-met-kass-quotes-0523-20100521,0,4364404.column My fav After his brother Bill dropped his gubernatorial bid in 2001 and the mayor was asked if he would have faced increased scrutiny had Bill stayed in: "Scrutiny? What else do you want? Do you want to take my shorts? Give me a break. ⦠Go scrutinize yourself! I get scrootened every day, don't worry, from each and every one of you. It doesn't bother me."
It's such a nice day that I'm off to the beach. I've got my swim suit, shades and beach towel, but I think I'll leave the old wind-breaker at home. That way she'll have dinner ready for me when I get back.