My wife asked if she could have the TV remote to turn the channel to something she wanted to watch. I said, "Sure, knock yourself out." As she bent over to grab it, I said, "Don't bother, I'll do it."
Nice one dude... Here is one... How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
Jay Leno claimed he spotted Monica Lewinsky at some award ceremony affair a couple of months ago. He was seated 2 tables behind the table she was under.
About 6 Months Late, But, Still, It's Funny: Girl On Bike <object style="height: 344px; width: 425px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/v8nVVffZRck"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/v8nVVffZRck" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></object>
One day little Johnny is sat in class and his teacher is running a quiz. "Name me something beginning with 'A'". Little Johnny's had shoots up but the teacher thinks 'I can't ask Johnny, he'll say something like Ass', so she askes another kid. "Antelope" says the kid proudly. "Name me something beginning with 'B'" says the teacher. Little Johnny's had shoots up but the teacher thinks 'I can't ask Johnny, he'll say something like Bullshit', so she askes another kid. "Barge" responds the kid. "Name me something beginning with 'C'". Little Johnny's had shoots up but the teacher thinks 'I can't ask Johnny, he'll say something like Cock', so she askes another kid. This continues through the alphabet until ..... "Name me something beginning with 'R'". Little Johnny's had shoots up and the teacher thinks 'I can't think of anything rude beginning with R, let's give him a go. "Yes Johnny, something beginning with 'R'" "A rat, miss. A fucking big rat with a twelve inch dick!"
Polish-American Divorce A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete. I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean what are your relations like? All my relations still in Poland. Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? No, I always up before her. Why do you want this divorce? She going to kill me. What makes you think that? I got proof. What kind of proof? She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English pretty good, and it say: ~~~Polish Remover~~~
The Good Wife Mary comes home rather late, hugs and kisses her husband. âOh, sweetheart,â she whispers, âyour fast but nice little red car is on Maple Street.â âWhy didnât you bring it home?â her husband asked. âI couldnât, my dear," she said with a shy smile. âItâs too dark out there to find all the parts!...â
It's Not Always Easy To Eat Spaggeti <object style="height: 344px; width: 425px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mGXQ6uv4TXE"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mGXQ6uv4TXE" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></object>