For the last ten years of his life I always believed Dad was suffering from Alzheimers. It was only at his funeral that I realised I'd been visiting the wrong house.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?" "Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
You know you're watching shit porn when you start to think "fucking hell, they still use IBMs at nurse's stations?"
You know you watched too much porn when...you showed your co-worker a picture of your dream vacation spot without realizing there is a topless woman posing with her legs spread wide open in the picture! :eek:
I stayed in a hotel in Kentucky once and the sink had a problem in the bathroom. So I called the front desk and told them "I gotta leak in my sink". The guy said "go ahead".
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A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with >> her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through >> the entrance. >> >> The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice >> children you've got there - are they twins?" >> >> The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, >> the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. >> >> Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind or just >> stupid? Do you really think they look alike?" >> >> "No", replies the greeter. "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."