Biakoda needs to make other decisions too.- Is he ready to recover? Will he do whatever it takes to get healthy? As long as the answer is "100% YES", Biakoda can beat laxative abuse.
Yes, I can see that, you are right. He needs to commit to a ten step program. He also needs a sponsor, someone familiar with his particular problem... a politician perhaps?!
I warned you: Mrs. Eisenberg was beside herself. Her husband had left her, and her 32 yr old daughter Sally was unwed with no prospects. She decided to take action. "Sally", she said, " you should put an ad in the newspaper. No names, just a box number. Here, I wrote this:" Charming Jewish Girl Good Cook. Wold like to meet kind, intelligent, educated Jewish Gentleman. Subject: matrimony. Sally was aghast, but she went along. In a few days, a reply came. "Well hurry, open it, " Mrs. Eisenberg urged. Sally ripped open the envelope, and started crying uncontrollably. "what is it, asked her Mother. "It's from Papa!!!!"
Don't forget, the most important of the 12 steps. He has to go around and apologize to all the people he shit on.
Madame of a Wall St. Escort service is explaning the market to a new hire. "Two kind of lays down here, Honey. You got your Standard, and Poor."
Oldies that still make me laugh, .....like Mr. Glick, who at 82, went to the sperm bank to give something of himself back to society. The girl at the desk asked, "are you sure." "Yep, I'm sure", he said, and went to a room int he back for some privacy. He didn't return for an hour, alaming the staff. They wennt to see if was ok. "Listen", he said," I tried it with one hand, then two hands. I got it up, and beat it on the sink. Then, I ran warm water on it. Can you get the lid off this jar?"
Mishnik the moil had performed an adult circumcision. That evening, his hand started shaking uncontrollably, then, just as abruptly, stopped. Realizing that a seizure like that could ruin his livlihood, he called his local Allstate Agent. "Well,", said the broker, " it's rather unorthodox, get it Mishnik??? Unorthodox??? But let me call some disablility carriers for you." An hour later, the broker calls Misnick. " I got good news. Lloyd's will cover you up to 2 million, for a 400 dollar annual premium." "Hey" , said Misnik. "that's great, I"ll take it." "Hold on a second there, Mishnik. There's a two inch deductible."
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit heaven." So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity." The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?" The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning...... Today you voted."
I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and I sent the IRS a letter and enclosed a check for $150. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest. Sort of like, lightening up on a position, just enough to sleep well.