LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION 1 Trevor Adams, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work in his cubicle. Trevor works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Trevor never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended 6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee 7 breaks. Trevor is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no 8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound 9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Trevor can be 10 classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be 11 dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Trevor be 12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be 13 executed as soon as possible. Addendum The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
A teacher noticed that a little boy was squirming around at the back of the class, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She goes to the back to find out what's up, and the little boy got embarrassed and whispered that he had just been circumcised and he is quite itchy. The teacher tells him to go to the headmaster's office, to phone his mum, and ask her what he should do about it. He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, there's a general commotion at the back of the room. The teacher again goes to the back of the class, only to find him sitting at his desk with his zip undone and his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to phone your mum!" said the teacher. "I did," replied the young boy, "and she told me that if I stick it out till noon, she would come and pick me up from school!"
A girl was having trouble understanding the information in sex education class. So the teacher kept her after school and pounded it into her.
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I met a fat, knock-kneed, crooked tooth girl the other day. She said she was a nature lover. I can hardly believe that after what fucking nature did to her!
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Anderson's mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Carlson, report to the mess hall for KP. Lettner, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Anderson, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Anderson his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Thompson's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, Thompson!"
I was out of town for a while and my dead-beat brother was staying with my older mom and my cat. So I called him up to see how things were going. "Hi Ted, how are things back at the family homestead? How's my cat?" "Your cat is dead!" "Dead? WTF? Dead. . . WTF? Dude, why can't you have some tact?" "Tact? Whattaya mean?" "Don't just drop a bomb on somebody like that, you have to ease your way into it. Start by saying something like 'well, your cat was up on the roof and it was covered with ice and. . .' Don't start right off the bat with the bad news, please!" "OK, OK, you don't have to beat it into the ground. I get it." "Fine, fine. Let's just forget about it. So how's Mom?" ". . .uhm. . . Mom was . . . uhm . . . up on the roof and. . ."
*Special Bulletin *Special Bulletin *Special Bulletin *Special Bulletin *Special Bulletin THIS JUST IN FROM FOX NEWS "U.S. Olympian Lindsey Vonn was stripped of her gold medal. The medal was given to Barak Obama when it was determined that he was going downhill much faster than she was... "