Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. At the end of a long work week, a group of coal miners discovered that one of them, Young Billy, was a virgin. Well, they decided this wasn’t right, and pooled their money to remedy the situation. They talked him into going out for a night on the town; got him all cleaned up, and drove to the local brothel.

    Upon entering, the ring leader went to the Madame, explained the situation and gave her £100. She assured him she would fix Billy up right; so they all left Billy there to enjoy himself.

    Being naive, Billy asks the madame what’s going on. She explains to him that he is about to become a man, courtesy of his friends.
    "All you have to do is choose one of my girls and she will take care of you."
    Well, Billy looks around at the group of women before him and, after several minutes of pondering, picks a likely looking girl to take upstairs.

    Once they are in their room, the girl says to Billy," I hear you’re a virgin boy. So what’s your pleasure? You want missionary, Greek, doggy style, "round the world, 69 or what?"
    Billy says," Gosh ma’am, just give me what you think I oughta have."
    "No Boy, I’m a professional. You need to tell me what you want."
    Billy decides 69 sounds pretty good, so they settle into the proper position. After several minutes of missing the target, Billy finally gets it right and is starting to enjoy. Sadly the whore had beans for tea and lets loose a little fart in his face.
    Billy shakes his head, thinking it’s part of the fun, and continues lickin" away.
    A little while later, she passes wind again.
    Billy still thinks it’s part of the fun and dives back in with a vengeance, lickin" like there’s no tomorrow.
    A few minutes later,she really lets loose with a fart that curls Billy’s eyebrows.

    He pushes her off of his face and says, "Ma’am, I don’t want you to think I’m not enjoyin" myself or anything but I’m buggered if I can take another 66 of those."
     
    #6601     Feb 8, 2010
  2. A guy went out hunting. He had all the gear, the jacket, the boots and the double-barreled shotgun. As he was climbing over a fence, he dropped the gun and it went off, shooting him right through the penis. Obviously, he had to see a doctor.

    When he woke up from surgery, he found that the doctor had done a marvelous job repairing it. As he got ready to go home, the doctor gave him a business card.

    "This is my brother’s card. I’ll make an appointment for you to see him."

    The guy says, "Is your brother a doctor?"

    "No," Doc replies, "he plays the flute. He’ll show you where to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your eye."
     
    #6602     Feb 8, 2010
  3. fhl

    fhl

    I got a fortune cookie today. It said I should invest in something fun on four wheels. I don't know if that meant I should get a new car, or a prostitute on one roller skate.
     
    #6603     Feb 8, 2010
  4. TGregg

    TGregg

    After the miners left, these three drunken sailors walk into the brothel and ask for service. The madam (being familiar with sailors in general and these ones in particular) asked them how much coin they had.

    "I'm sorry, but we only have $23 between us."

    Being a professional herself, the madam was not about to let $23 go by in this tight economy. So she said she'd see what she could do and went upstairs. Into the bedroom at the end of the hall, she pulled out a blowup and inflated it. Then she returned downstairs.

    "OK boys, one at a time at the end of the hall. Clean up after yourself."

    So the first sailor goes upstairs. Upon his return he's happy, and the second makes the trip. He returns and sends the last sailor to the room at the end of the hall. The last sailor is in the room but a moment, when all the house hears him scream! He runs out of the room and down the stairs.

    "What happened?" ask his companions?

    "Well, it started out just fine. I took my clothes off, climbed on her and started kissing her. Then I nibbled on her ear. Then she let a huge fart and flew out the window!"
     
    #6604     Feb 8, 2010
  5. fhl

    fhl

    A man in Ohio hears a voice one day that says 'quit your job, sell your house, and go to vegas'. He ignores it.

    The next day the man hears a voice that says 'quit your job, sell your house, and go to vegas'. He ignores it again.

    The next day he hears the same voice, so he quits his job, sells his house, and goes to vegas.

    The voice says 'go to ceasars palace'. He goes to ceasars palace.

    The voice says 'go to the roulette table'. He goes to the roulette table.

    The voice says 'put all your money on red 23'. He puts all his money on red 23.

    The dealer spins the wheal. It comes up black 17.

    The voice says "F**K".
     
    #6605     Feb 8, 2010
  6. 'Black Swan' Author Nassim Taleb: Warren Buffett May Just Be Lucky
     
    #6606     Feb 8, 2010
  7. 'Black Swan' Author Nassim Taleb: Warren Buffett May Just Be A Black Swan.
     
    #6607     Feb 8, 2010

  8. In other news, Taleb said " This whole goddam mess is all Myron's fault.
     
    #6608     Feb 8, 2010
  9. ammo

    ammo

    fella walks into a bar and bartender says what will u have , fella says "i'll take a bbbbb bbbbb bbbbbuuudddd lite,guy brings him a beer and says that ill be thr thr thr thr thr thr three bucks. Another guy sits a few seats away and the barkeep says what ill you have, new guy says scotch and water,bartender returns ,serves and says that ill be 5 bucks,turns to the stuttering guy and asks if he'ld like another , he nods, bartender brings him another bud and says three bucks, stuttering guy pays him and says ,i ddd dddd dddd dont like be bbe bbbeee bbbbe being made fun of, bartender replies," i wa wa wa wa wa wa wa snt making fu fu fu fu fu fun of u, i wa wa wa w a wa w as makking fu fu fu fu fun of him.
     
    #6609     Feb 8, 2010
  10. Meanwhile Back at the Scholes ranch " That fucking Taleb should be in a retirement home doing Sudoku"
     
    #6610     Feb 8, 2010