Pakistan International Airways jumbo jet carrying 361 pakis has disappeared off the radar 16 seconds ago. Police say the search has now been called off.
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they had sex. Pinocchio therefore went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
A woman is very concerned about the size of her opening. So she goes to her mother; âWhat am I going to do Iâm so big down there when I marry Harry he's going to divorce me!â Her mother says; âDonât worry sweetheart it runs in the family, do what I did when I married your farther. Go to the market, get some raw liver and put it in there and he'll never know the difference.â So she does, they have eight hours of sex after their marriage. She wakes up at 10 o'clock the next day and he's gone, but there is a note on the pillow. My darling Harriet, To think I waited a year to consummate our relationship makes my heart beat so loudly Iâm surprised it didn't wake you up. You are the reason Iâm not here now darling as Iâm at work making enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence, we'll have dogs and children. When itâs 5 o'clock, I'll be home like the wind and in your loving arms again. Your loving husband, Harry. P.S. Your cunt is in the sink
Doctors at Washington D.C.'s Joe Gibbs Memorial Hospital have said that the recent words and actions of NBC Newsman and commentator Keith Olbermann are the results of his being deprived of oxygen. These medical experts suggest that, in order to regain his rationality and good sense and ensure longer life, Olbermann immediately remove his head from Barack Obama's ass. "Keith's got it wedged in their so tight that he has cut off the air flow," said Dr. Warren Spaulding. "Without sufficient oxygen, there is brain damage. If this continues, the brain will die. We are seeing this with Mr. Olbermann." "I also believe that the fecal matter is interfering with both his vision and his speech, because he can't see crap in front of him and he's talking a lot of shit."
Mrs. TGregg and I were in bed the other night when she started making the moves on me. "I can't honey, it's Lent." "Lent!?! To whom and for how long??"
Apparently, a self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation. 'You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one' the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. 'The Young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon. Our space probes have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, ships and electric and hydrogen cars, cell phones. Computers with light-speed processing... And more.' After a brief silence the senior citizen responded as follows: 'You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young ... so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shit, what are you doing for the next generation?'
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen." 1st Man: "No, it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar. The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke." 1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. 2nd Man: "Well what the heck, it works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.' Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker: "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."