You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? * Get your drunk-ass off the merry-go-round.
A priest and a rabbi are skinny dipping, when a busload of nuns stops between the stream and their clothes. All they have are their hats, so when they run across the road, the priest covers up his privates, and the rabbi covers up his face. After reaching their clothes in the bushes, the priest asks "Why didn't you cover your privates?" And the Rabbi responds "I don't know about your congregation, but mine recognizes my face."
A rabbi and a priest get into a car crash. It is a horrible wreck and both cars are totaled. The rabbi gets out and says the priest "I think God wanted us to meet together and talk" Priest "It would appear that way" The rabbi says "just one minute" and goes to the back of his car. After pulling a bottle of wine miraculously in pristine condition out of his trunk, he hands the bottle to the priest saying "I think God wanted us to come and have a drink together" After the priest takes a heavy drink he tries to hand the bottle back to the rabbi, but the rabbi says "No, I think I'll just wait in my car for the cops."
Did Bigfoot have an eureka moment recently in Northern California ? Well something registered 6.5 on the Richter scale
Three robberies in my neighborhood this week. This matches the description of all three robbers. " Case solved.
Living Will: Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer. She's Such A Bitch.......