Jokes 2

What if you get to heaven (work with me here Nut) and you find God is dyslexic, and is really DOG?

Michael Vick is in deep shit.

 

The dyslexic agnostic insomniac sits around all night arguing about whether there is a "dog"

ruff..ruff..




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"Air in the hands mother stickers this is a fuckup!"

 

Fly is that you??????

 

My son brought his first girlfriend home last night.

The verdict?

Flat chested, fat legs, and a flabby ass.

Oh, and she doesn't react well to criticism.

 

I went to the doctors to ask for some 'Viagra' as I've been having a bit of a problem getting an erection with my wife.

The doctor said "Before you try drugs why don't you try the 'dip and lip' technique!"

"What the fuck is that?" I said.

"When your wife is sleeping, stick your finger in her pussy, then smear it on your top lip, that should do the trick!" he replied.

I gave it a go that night, I dipped my finger in and her pussy was sopping wet ! Then I smeared my top lip and 'Hey Presto' I was stiff as a board.

I switched the light on, woke my wife up and said "Look whats happend!"

She said "You woke me up for a fucking nose bleed?"

 

A scene from America's future:

In 2012 a man goes to the GM dealership and tells the salesman he wants to buy an electric car.

The salesman says: "you can come and pick it up in three years. Three years from today."

The man says: "will that be in the morning or the afternoon?"

The salesman asks: "what makes the difference?"

The man says: "in the morning I'm scheduled for an MRI at the doctor's office."

 

What has eight legs and one eye?

Two chairs and half a pig's head.

 

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