A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".
Two business men in NY are sitting down for a break in their soon- to-be opened new store. As yet, the store isn't ready -- only a few shelves are set up. One says to the other, "I bet any minute now some dumb tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling." No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious hill-billy from the south walks to the window, has a peek, and in his best Southern drawl asks, "Wat'r y'all sellin' here?" One of the business men replies, "Oh! We're selling assholes here. Without skipping a beat, the southerner says, "Well, I see y'all are doing really good. You only got two left!"
Driving down I 995 by Warrens brother the oracle of Margaritaville . http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3i6OrOZwtmA
My B in Law is adopting two Russian boys. He's getting this. He went to Vladivostok. 800000 people, two traffic lights. We did about twenty minutes of , "Get Moose and Squirrel." You old guys will get that one.
More things to do @ Wal-Mart while your significant other is taking her sweet time: * Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. * Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G. I. Joe's vs. the X-Men. * Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. * Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restroom. * Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible." * Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. * Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!" And a bonus point after a job well done: if the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
Someplace on the net, there is a letter Target sent to the husband of a shopper who did all sorts of stuff like that for years. They finally said, "don't come back". It was wild what he did. I just can't remember any of it. Really. http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/spree.asp Snopes says "no". Still funny as hell. Especially the fitting room.