Sudden Fashion Sense A construction worker is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing a very fancy earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a very conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in âfashion sense.â So he walks up to him and says, âI didnât know you were into earrings!â âDonât make a big deal, itâs only a little thing,â the other guy replies sheepishly. âHow long have you been wearing one?â âEver since my wife found it in my truck...â
News: "Girl In Heels Dies After Slipping Under Train" It was apparently caused by her high heels... Were they Jimmy Choo Choo's?
I was walking home last night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo... In morse code
âNew York Yankees team ownership revealed Tuesday that the phrase âYankees suck,â one of the most popular chants in sports, was trademarked by the 27-time World Series champions prior to the 1996 season, a business strategy that has earned the team close to $100 billion over the past 13 years. U.S. Patent and Trademark Office records show that every time an individual chants, shouts, or writes the words âYankees suck,â the New York Yankees organization earns at least $2.15, an amount that escalates depending on repetition, volume, and whether the phrase was used during a national broadcast. âIf you multiply that $2 by 13 years of chants, hundreds of sellout games in opposing teamsâ stadiums, and the hundreds of millions of people who hate the Yankees, you can see that this was a brilliant financial tactic,â Yankees managing general partner Hal Steinbrenner said during a televised press conference at the teamâs spring training facility. âWhere do you think we get the money to keep Mariano Rivera here? Or sign a bust like Carl Pavano without making the slightest dent in our bank account?â âYou know what? Why donât you all join me in a âYankees suckâ chant right now. Come on, you know you want to,â Steinbrenner added. âYankees suck! Yankees suck! Yankees suck! Thatâs another $9 million right there.â
"Fuck the Yankees," said Boston resident and Red Sox season-ticket holder George Donaldson, who in the last month has lost the funds necessary to buy groceries and pay his mortgage while the Yankees earned the money they will need to lure Jason Bay away from the Red Sox and bring in high-caliber starting pitchers Cliff Lee and Roy Halladay. "Fuck them right in the ass."
How to Cook a Turkey Step 1: Go buy a turkey Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD Step 3: Put turkey in the oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink Step 7: Turn oven the on Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky Step 9: Turk the bastey Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick Step 17: Turk the carvey Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out...
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