I was going to say "Religion, Politics, and superstition" but thought better of it." First heard that Joke when the Giant 1/4 back handed off to Csonka, I believe, when he should have just spiked it. pretty soon, we'll have to replace the Bllly Graham part. But I can't think of a current Evangelist of that Stature.
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his broker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the broker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats. Finally, the broker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?" The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."
With all the Hillary jokes, I guess everyone has thrown in the towel and assume she's going to win by a landslide, not my choice, but this seems like a logical indicator. c
"I guess everyone has thrown in the towel.." To that I say this. There was a man sentence to die. As he stood before the King he said his final words "Your majesty, if you grant me a reprieve for one year I will teach a horse to fly." The King, amazed at the outlandish claim and humored, granted his wish. As our man left the Kingdom for one last year of freedom, his friend inquired. "Why would you tell that to the King, you can't do that". The man replied: "Three things may happen, the king may die, I may die or I just might teach a horse to fly".
My ex-Wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got here license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year. Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern Texas because of bad weather. Thank God our kids were with me at the Beach House this weekend. The NTSB issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: The VFR rated pilot's continued flight in to instrument conditions. She was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating. The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured. Photographs below were taken at the scene show the extent of damage to her aircraft. http://tinyurl.com/2arevd
Mean "Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked. "No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him!"
The Cat in the HAT on aging. I cannot see I cannot pee I cannot chew I cannot screw Oh my God, what can I do? My memory shrinks My hearing stinks No sense of smell I look like hell My mood is bad, can you tell? My body's drooping Have trouble pooping The Golden Years have come at last The Golden Years can kiss my ass
YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD !! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now That I'm Older, Here's What I've Discovered: *I started out with nothing; I still have most of it. *My wild oats have turned to prunes and All Bran. *I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. *Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. *All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair. *If all is not lost, where is it? *It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. *Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant. *I wish the buck stopped here. I sure could use a few .. *Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids. *It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. *Only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. *When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess? *It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere. *The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. And My Favorite: *If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference !!!