We just got a new dog and my wife was amused because he's taken to humping one of her old handbags. 'Why does he keep humping the same battered bag for?' She laughed. 'I'm not sure' I answered. 'I ask myself that very question every fucking night.'
Perfect Library for Limited Space: NEGROS I'VE MET WHILE YACHTING by Tiger Woods ______________________________ ________________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan. Forward by Michelle Obama Illustrated by Michael Moore ______________________________ __________ MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton ______________________________ _________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton ______________________________ __ Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton ______________________________ _____ MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden ______________________________ _____ THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates ______________________________ ______ THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman ______________________________ ___ THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry ______________________________ _______ AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC ______________________________ _____ A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian ______________________________ ____ ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE .... by Ellen de Generes, Melissa Etheridge & Rosie O'Donnel ______________________________ ______ GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson ______________________________ ____ THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY ______________________________ _________ MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson ______________________________ ___________ HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES by Ted Kennedy ______________________________ _____ MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by the Rev. Jesse Jackson ****************************** ************************* AND, JUST ADDED: Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy! By Nancy Pelosi
MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH HEDGIES ----Pat Byrne COOKING WITH GREEN SHOOTS --Ben Bernanke THE AUDACITY OF TAXES --Charlie Rangel TRADES THAT WORKED --Jim Cramer HOW TO WIN IN THE GYM -Dick Fuld TANS AND MORTGAGE BANKING --A. Mozillo DAY TRADING AND GEEKS WITH FORMULAS -- Warren Buffett
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico . While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order." The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy." The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday." The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si,Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
I remember thanksgiving back in the day, the last thing I did on wednesday evening was stock up the plungers in the hardware store. Friday was a big day for plungers.
Three gypsies are working (LOL) at a construction site. One of them falls into the lime-pit. Starts yelling to the other two: pull me out!, pull me out! The others say: Lookie, lookie! He's been a white man for 5 seconds, already he's trying to bitch us around...