Those are really very funny jokes.. here is one fro me: The Less You Know, The More You Make "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates: 1. Knowledge is Power. 2. Time is Money. As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time Since: Knowledge = Power Time = Money It follows that: Knowledge = Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done. Conclusion: The less you know,the more you make.
You'd think auto dealers service dept would make better use of knock knock jokes. Neexxttt!!! Service writer "Knock knock?" Customer, "Knock-knock-knock front end of drivers side only under power and hard right turns only not left. but it comes and goes".
Customer, "knock knock" Service dept "who's there?" Oh never mind...... I called Borders and when they answered the phone and said "May I help you?" I said "No, I'm just browsing" and put the phone down.
You Can't Be Too Careful In case we run out of masks during the N1H1 flu season, here is a homemade mask you can make yourself. It is even compatible with the wearing of glasses... One thing though, MAKE SURE YOUR MASK IS CLEAN! Btw, no, that's not me
The Husband Store A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks , 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. ******************** New Wives store To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Final tax demand -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Sir, Your letter arrived this morning in an open envelope and it would have given the son and myself much pleasure had it not revived in us a melancholy reflection of what had gone before. You say you thought the account should have been settled long ago and you could not understand why it hadn't; well here are the reasons. In 1994 I bought a sawmill on credit. In 1995 I bought a team of horses, two ponies, a timber wagon, a double barrel shotgun and two razorback pigs, all on credit. In 1996 the bloody mill was burnt to the ground leaving not a damn thing; one of my ponies died and I loaned the other to a stupid sod who starved the poor bugger to death. Then I joined the Church. In 1997 my father died and my brother was jailed for rape. A tramp seduced my daughter and I had to pay the bastard $1000 to stop him becoming a relative. In 1998 one of my boys got the mumps. It spread to his balls and he had to be castrated to save his life. Later that year while out fishing, the boat overturned drowning two of my boys - neither being the one who was castrated. In 1999 my wife ran away with a sheep shearer and left me with twins as a souvenir. I then had to have a housekeeper whom I married to keep down expenses. I had a hell of a job to make her pregnant, so I went to the doctor and he advised me to create some excitement at the crucial moment. That night I took my shotgun to bed with me and at the time I thought was right I fired the gun through the window. The wife crapped the bed, I ruptured myself and the next morning I found I had shot the best cow I ever had. In 2000 someone cut the nuts off my bull. I was buggered and took to drink and I didn't stop until all I had left was a pocket watch and a weak bladder. Winding the watch and running for a pee kept me busy for a while. After a time I took heart again and bought on credit a manure spreader, a reaper and binder and another cow. Then came the floods and washed the bloody lot away. In 2001 my wife got Aids from a travelling salesman and one of my sons died from wiping his arse on an infected rabbit skin. It surprises me very much that you say you will cause me trouble if I don't pay up. If you can think of anything I've missed out on I should like to know about it. Trying to get money out of me is like trying to poke butter up a porcupines arse with a red hot needle, so I wish you luck in your efforts. I'm praying for a shower of bird crap to come your way and I hope the centre of it is over the bunch of fuckers in your office who sent me this final demand. Yours sincerely Fed Up PS I am not a Democrat so dont try an soft soap me
Reality Show: The Obama Presidency http://www.theonion.com/content/video/white_house_reveals_obama_is http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obamas_home_teleprompter http://www.theonion.com/content/video/gaffe_prone_biden_embarrasses
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