There are three people at a bar. One is Mexican, one is Iraqi and the other is American. The Mexican gets a beer drinks it then he throws the glass in the air takes out his pistol and shoots it to pieces. He says in Mexico glass is so cheap we do not need to drink out of same glass twice. Then the Iraqi gets a beer and drinks it. He also throws it in the air and takes out his AK47 and shoots it to pieces. He says in Iraq we have so much sand that we too do not need to drink out of same glass twice. Then the American gets a beer and drinks it and throws the glass up. He then shoots the Mexican and Iraqi and catches the glass and says, "In America we have so many illegal immigrants that we dont need to drink with the same ones twice.
Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami... Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami.They were discussing the fact that if they gofor a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes,but if they take the cigarettes with them, theywill get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girlwalking out of the ocean. She reaches into the topof her swimsuit, pulls out a perfectly drycigarette and book of matches and lights up. Theladies go up to the girl and ask, "How do you keepyour cigarettes dry?" Her answer, "I put them insideof a condom." The women rush to a pharmacy and ask for acondom. When the pharmacist asks, "What size?" one ofthe ladies says, "It should fit a Camel."
I hate terrorism. I can't help but feel nostalgic thinking about the good ol' days when I saw an abandoned briefcase and thought to myself "well, I'm gonna jack that".
I can't imagine worse than after partying hard all night, you wake up next to a stranger, not remembering his name, or how you met him, or how did he die...
Something's wrong with the world. Schoolgirls dress like whores, whores dress like schoolgirls. What am I supposed to take with me, money or candy?
Little Johnny goes home, his father asks him what happened in school. 'I got an F in Math.' 'Why??' 'The teacher asked me how much is 2*3. I said 6.' 'But it is 6!' 'Yes, but then she asked me how much is 3*2.' 'And what's the fucking difference?!' 'And I asked exactly the same.'