Letâs say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after awhile neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when theyâre driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, weâve been seeing each other for exactly six months?" And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Gee, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe heâs been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks Iâm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesnât want, or isnât sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months. And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, Iâm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so Iâd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? And Roger is thinking: ...so that means it was... letâs see. February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealerâs, which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: Heâs upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe Iâm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed ââ even before I sensed it ââ that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet thatâs it. Thatâs why heâs so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. Heâs afraid of being rejected. And Roger is thinking: And Iâm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I donât care what those morons say; itâs still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? Itâs 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: Heâs angry. And I donât blame him. Iâd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I canât help the way I feel. Iâm just not sure. And Roger is thinking: Theyâll probably say itâs only a 90âday warranty. Thatâs exactly what theyâre gonna say, the rats. And Elaine is thinking: Maybe Iâm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when Iâm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my selfâcentered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy. And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? Iâll give them a warranty. Iâll take their warranty and stick it right up their.... "Roger," Elaine says aloud. "What?" says Roger, startled.
Please donât torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.) "What?" says Roger. "Iâm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know thereâs no knight. I really know that. Itâs silly. Thereâs no knight, and thereâs no horse." "Thereâs no horse?" says Roger. "You think Iâm a fool, donât you?" Elaine says. "No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer. "Itâs just that... Itâs that I... I need some time," Elaine says. (There is a 15âsecond pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) "Yes," he says. Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says. "What way?" says Roger. "That way about time," says Elaine. "Oh," says Roger. "Yes." (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.) "Thank you, Roger," she says. "Thank you," says Roger.
Why is an 11-foot concert grand piano better than a studio upright piano? Because it makes a much bigger kaboom when dropped over a cliff.
Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."
A University of Kentucky graduate was told by his doctor, "I am very sorry to tell you that you have cancer and you have only one more year to live." The University of Kentucky graduate replied, "And what am I going to live on for an entire year?"
There were two people walking down the street. One voted for Obama. The other one didn't have any money either.
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-9SPdh4Nzy4&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-9SPdh4Nzy4&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>