Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman. She asked me if I liked breasts or legs. I told her what I really liked was a shaved snatch. Apparently, I'm no longer welcome at KFC.
I got the wife an electric lawn mower for her birthday. It serves two purposes; The grass gets cut and she can follow the cable back to the kitchen.
What's worse than accidently trying to pirate a warship? Being defeated by the French: PARIS (AP) â Somali pirates in two skiffs fired on a French navy vessel early Wednesday after apparently mistaking it for a commercial boat, the French military said. The French ship gave chase and captured five suspected pirates. No one was wounded by the volleys from the Kalashnikov rifles directed at La Somme, a 3,800-ton refueling ship, French military spokesman Rear Adm. Christophe Prazuck said. La Somme "was probably taken for a commercial ship by the two small skiffs" about 250 nautical miles (290 statute miles) off Somalia's coast, Prazuck said. "They understood their mistake too late," he said. One skiff fled, and La Somme pursued the second one in an hour-long chase. "There were five suspected pirates on board. No arms, no water, no food," Prazuck said. France is a key member of the EU's naval mission, Operation Atalanta, fighting Somali pirates in the Gulf of Aden. It has aggressively tracked and caught suspected pirates and handed over at least 22 to Kenya. An additional 15 suspects were brought to France for prosecution after allegedly seizing boats belonging to French nationals. President Nicolas Sarkozy called for tougher action against piracy last year after dozens of attacks. http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2009-10-07-pirates-nabbed_N.htm?csp=34 They probably thought they had a decent chance of success. <img src=http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=2598545>
Rejected Hallmark Cards. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee and West Virginia) Looking back o'er the years We've been together, I can't help but wonder ... (inside card) What was I thinking? Congratulations on your wedding day! (inside card) Guess you didn't tell this one that you have genital herpes. How could two people as beautiful as you ... (inside card) Have such an ugly baby?
Even Mary Matalin can't tell them apart. <img src="http://www.blogadilla.com/img/carville_gollum.jpg" />