I once told an actuary to go to the end of the line. He came back five minutes later and said he couldn't because someone else was already there.
At least the moon wasn't named by the Chinese. Just think if the moon was named Moo Goo Gui Pan, who wants to learn about that?
The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said; "Mr. Nutmeg, I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK." And I thought to myself, doesnt OK look like a sideways person?
I saw one of my friends the other day, he's only got one arm. I said 'where are you off too? He said ' I'm going to change a lightbulb!' I said, 'that'll be hard for someone like you!' He said 'no, I've still got the fuckin reciept.
Couple is always arguing. One day, Bob calls his wife out. "What would you do if I hit the lottery." Without even thinking, Marge replies, "take my half, and get the hell out of here." "Great", Bob says. "I hit a scratch off for $12 bucks. Here's your six."