Last night, I was standing by the bar when this girl came over and asked, "Any chance you could buy me a drink?" "Well, yeah, if you want. But it's going to cost you", I said, with a cheeky grin and a wink. "Oh, and what's it gonna cost me?", she replied, as she returned the smile. I said, "However much your fucking drink costs". I'm single, by the way.
Sex on Mars - sorry we don't have pictures on this one. . . . The year is 2222 and Jim and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. 'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen. The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.' A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie weenie about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick. 'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen. 'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?' 'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!' 'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. 'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.' 'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. 'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asks, 'Well, was it any good?' 'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?' 'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'
A martian was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Heart Touching Story and Picture If this does not touch your heart, then you just don't have one... An incredible story of luck and inspiration!! Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later. Talk about LUCK!!!! (See Attached Picture)
Two actuary's are duck hunting. They see a duck in the air and they both shoot. The first actuary's shot is 20 feet wide to the left. The second actuary's shot is 20 feet wide to the right. The actuaries give each other high fives, because on average they shot it.