<table style='font:11px arial; color:#333; background-color:#f5f5f5' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='360' height='353'><tbody><tr style='background-color:#e5e5e5' valign='middle'><td style='padding:2px 1px 0px 5px;'><a target='_blank' style='color:#333; text-decoration:none; font-weight:bold;' href='http://www.thedailyshow.com'>The Daily Show With Jon Stewart</a></td><td style='padding:2px 5px 0px 5px; text-align:right; font-weight:bold;'>Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c</td></tr><tr style='height:14px;' valign='middle'><td style='padding:2px 1px 0px 5px;' colspan='2'><a target='_blank' style='color:#333; text-decoration:none; font-weight:bold;' href='http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-july-29-2009/home-crisis-investigation'>Home Crisis Investigation</a></td></tr><tr style='height:14px; background-color:#353535' valign='middle'><td colspan='2' style='padding:2px 5px 0px 5px; width:360px; overflow:hidden; text-align:right'><a target='_blank' style='color:#96deff; text-decoration:none; font-weight:bold;' href='http://www.thedailyshow.com/'>www.thedailyshow.com</a></td></tr><tr valign='middle'><td style='padding:0px;' colspan='2'><embed style='display:block' src='http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:comedycentral.com:239865' width='360' height='301' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' wmode='window' allowFullscreen='true' flashvars='autoPlay=false' allowscriptaccess='always' allownetworking='all' bgcolor='#000000'></embed></td></tr><tr style='height:18px;' valign='middle'><td style='padding:0px;' colspan='2'><table style='margin:0px; text-align:center' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='100%' height='100%'><tr valign='middle'><td style='padding:3px; width:33%;'><a target='_blank' style='font:10px arial; color:#333; text-decoration:none;' href='http://www.thedailyshow.com/full-episodes'>Daily Show<br/> Full Episodes</a></td><td style='padding:3px; width:33%;'><a target='_blank' style='font:10px arial; color:#333; text-decoration:none;' href='http://www.indecisionforever.com'>Political Humor</a></td><td style='padding:3px; width:33%;'><a target='_blank' style='font:10px arial; color:#333; text-decoration:none;' href='http://www.jokes.com'>Joke of the Day</a></td></tr></table></td></tr></tbody></table>
Geithner was quoted as saying "My aim in life is to do the least bad job possible" (No kidding) Which of course brings to mind the old joke. ---------------------------- Meanest man in County Cork dies and the kind-hearted pastor of his church, preparing to say the funeral mass, can't think of single nice thing to say about the bastard in his eulogy. So he asks around town, looking for anyone who has one good word for the deceased to say at the mass, and finds no takers. He gets the idea to call over to the church in the village where the old man was born, figuring that there might be someone there who remembers him from when he was a boy and who might then have at least one fond memory to impart. The priest over there is a very old man himself, and he grew up with the dear departed and offers to come to the funeral and say the nicest thing he can think of. Day of the funeral comes, the old priest arrives, it's time for him to give the eulogy. He totters up to the pulpit, looks out at the very few people who've bothered to show up, and says the one nice thing there is to say about the dead old man: "His brother was worse."
Michael Vicks Haiku from prison. Might start boning men Lamar seems like a nice dude Doggy style, of course Meat loaf was for lunch It was not so delicious Tastes like a dudes cock "Woof! "Woof!" says the dog Shut up bitch, no one axed you To be continued, stay tuned
brings to mind the Eddie Murphy bit. He's in prison, and he writes poetry...... "See da Watchdog, Do he bite?" "Kill my Landlord" "Kill my Landlord"
Haikus From The Trailer Park Unemploymentâs out Hey, maybe I can get on Disability Distant siren screams Dumb-ass Verneâs been playing with Gasoline again Flashlights pierce the darkness No nightcrawlers to be found Guess weâll gig some frogs Joyous, playful, bright Trailer park girl rolls in puddle Of old motor oil Seeking solitude Carlâs ex-wife Tammy files for Restraining order Damn, in that tube-top You make me almost forget You are my cousin Tonight we hunger Grandma sent grocery money To Jimmy Swaggert Set the VCR Dukes of Hazard Marathon At 9 oâclock In Walmart toy aisle Wailing boy wantâs ârassling doll Mama whups his ass White noise, buzzing static Call Earl; satellite dish Needs new descrambler Sixty-five dollars And cyclone fence keeps me from My El Camino In early morning mist Mama searches Circle K for Moon pies and Red Man Grinning, he displays The nine hundred beer cans Filling pickup bed
Career Planning Session A high school student is in the counselorâs office. âSo tell me, what things interest you in terms of a possible career direction? âIâd like to cut people open and run my fingers through their liver and heart!â The counselor chuckles and after a long pause says, âWell, I guess that means youâll either be a surgeon or psychotic killer. Tell me more about yourself.â âTo start with, Iâm never wrong. I'm the best. Other people adore me and do exactly as I say, all the time, or else they suffer. I like what I do and keep doing it. I cut them open, blood all over. I never apologize for the pain and suffering I cause. They give me all their money and then some - or if they donât, they'd better...â âOK! Got it. Surgeon it is!!â
Haikus From The Trailer Park ------------------------- Sometimes I long for the freedom and carefree living that you only can find in a trailer park. Elvis, Christmas lights on in the summer, emptying your ashtray in the road, liquor bottles in the window. They would probably make me buy in the back of the park, the trailers near the road are reserved for people who paint, plant flowers and have lawns.
The mother-in-law bought a talking parrot, she took it back a week later and said, "This parrot hasn't said anything yet" The parrot said, "I haven't had a fuckin' chance" So I took my dog to the vet yesterday and said "Cut his tail off". Vet asked why. I said "mother-in-law coming next week and I don't want her to feel she's welcome".