Man sells his award winning Doberman Pinscher for $20. When asked why he replied. It attacked and killed my mother-in-law last week and I don't need it anymore.
CAN YOUR PECKER TOUCH YOUR ASS? A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together, when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler The little boy asks: 'Can I have a beer Grandpa?' Grandpa replies: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?' The little boy answered : 'No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker'. Gramps says: 'Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer'. A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asks: 'Can I have a cigar Grandpa?' Once again, Grandpa asks: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?' Once again the little boy replies, 'No, it's too little'. Gramps replies, 'Then you're not man enough to have a cigar'. A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some cookies. Grandpa asks, 'Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie ?' The boy ask, 'Can your pecker touch your ass?' Gramps replies, 'Hell yes, my pecker can touch my ass'. The little boy replies, 'Then go fuck yourself'. Grandma made these for me'.
Women think they're so clever because they can fake an orgasm... Well, try being male... We have to fake an entire relationship just to get some sex!
The Three Envelopes A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street - responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him. About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded. After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."
A Good Car Lasts Forever Not really funny but very interesting - enjoy! http://growingbolder.com/media/technology/vehicles/romancing-the-road-259598.html&n So, why are they all bad-mouthing the American car manufacturing industry?
If a shia and a sunni muslim were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newpaper?