Wonderful English From Around the World * In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN. * Cocktail lounge , Norway : LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. * Doctors office, Rome : SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. * Dry cleaners, Bangkok : DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS. * In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. * On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi : TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. * On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP. * In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS. * In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. * Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. * On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. * In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS. * Hotel , Yugoslavia : THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. * Hotel , Japan : YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID. * In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY. * A sign posted in Germany 's Black Forest : IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE. * Hotel, Zurich : BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE. * Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand : WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS? * Airline ticket office, Copenhagen : WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. * A laundry in Rome : LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, demand, criticize or complain. But it was a long time ago & it was just that one day...
Barack Obama has said he regrets calling a group of cops stupid. Probably not a much as the last black guy to do that, though.
I saw on news that thousands of Indians were out watching the recent solar eclipse. That explains why I couldn't get an answer when I tried to call Ameritrade.
The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from Dr Stunata. "As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball â this is the egg. Address it by saying, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?" The sperm nodded affirmatively. Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren. He wakes immediately and runs to the tunnel. A multitude of sperm swims behind him. Hell bent on arriving first he swims like heâs never swum before. Eventually, up ahead he sees the entrance to the cavern, he looks behind and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm so he eases off and with a relaxing stroke he gently approaches the red, sticky ball and smugly smiling says, "Hi there, I'm a sperm!" The red sticky ball looks quizzically at him and says, "Hello, I'm a tonsil."
I went to the opticians and showed him a box with an eighteen inch turd in it. He said "What the fuck are you showing me that for?" I said "Every time I pass one of these my eyes water."