South park, the importance of saving money. you have to watch this. There is a commercial but it's worth the wait. http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/222624/
My genitals are comparable to Harvard Universityâs endowment - both are the largest of their kind, both are institutions that demand the respect of academics and undergraduate trollops, and both cannot be seen or used by anyone of low birth or intelligence, unless they work very hard to prove they are worthy.
While on his morning walk, the new President Barack Obama falls over, has a heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency dept at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Democrat around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says the President. "I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity." "But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies B Ob. "I'm sorry .. But we have our rules," Peter interjects. And, with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down ...all the way to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is Jimmy Carter and thousands of other Democrat luminaries who had helped him out over the years --- Slick Willy Clinton and his wife, etc. The whole of the Democratic Party leaders were there .... Everyone laughing, happy and casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.' They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The Devil himself comes up to B Ob with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila and relax, old chap!" "Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says B Ob, dejectedly. "This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!" B Ob takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Republican Party pulled with the election of Bush and the Education, Immigration, Tough on Crime promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as B Ob steps on the elevator and heads upward. When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours B Ob is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-**** joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special! "Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Slick Willy never prepared me for this!" The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity." With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, B Ob reflects for a minute . Then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends." So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback, but worse and more desolate. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime. The Devil comes over to B Ob and puts an arm around his shoulder. " I don't understand," stammers a shocked B Ob, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!" The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, I'm a politician you idiot and yesterday we were campaigning - today you voted for us!"
New show coming out based on "Pimp my Ride". it's called "Pimp my Economy" The first episode "Obama" welds two halves of a Ford Escort together and creates a new "GM", this is known as a "cut and shut job". Starbucks has picked up on the concept with "Pimp my Wine Cooler" Stay tuned.....
I was at a party last night and saw an old musician friend I hadn't seen in years. "What are you doing these days?" he asked. "I'm day trading." said I. "You're not a musician anymore?" he asked in disbelief. "Oh, yes, still a musician," I said, "The day trading fits right in. At the end of each day I wanna Bb."
There's a restaurant and bar in town called Armitage, but I suggested they change their name to Arbitrage 'cause if you're really hungry when you get there, you can enjoy a big spread.
sorry I'm so lame but, B flat, D flat and F walk into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve minors". So D flat leaves. B flat and F have an open fifth between them
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