Speaking Of Politics... Then there's the other true report: On the Senate floor, Senator 1 yells hysterically, waving his fist towards his estimed colleague: "SHUT UP YOU... YOU... YOU ARE A DISHONEST CHEAT AND A LIAR, LIAR, LIAR!!!" Senator 2 responds: "YES, BUT HEAR ME OUT!!!"
Wife's Night Out Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing.... You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports and play on the Internet all night... You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh knowing she's going to have a monster hangover.... You wake up the next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night..... You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece.... You circle the car looking for dents and find none.... But ..... wait.... Wait just a damn minute...
We have a bread drawer and inside is a metal liner and 1/2 of the top slides back. The other day I slid it forward and it was covered with dust. I wrote "Hi" on it and shut the drawer. My wife will love seeing that.
A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the intentional misuse of homophonical, homographical, homonymic, polysemic, metonymic, or metaphorical language.
Michael Jackson kindly agreed to be an organ donor just days before his death...Up for grabs are 3 noses.
May MJ rip. Yesterday I heard that MJ had so many plastic surgeries they were thinking of cremating him to build a Lego so little kids can play with him for a change. I know, cruel....but funny.
A Human Horse An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy's strong, but he's both lazy and blind - and if he thought for a moment that he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try!"