Yeah, doesn't post in the jokes thread except to bitch like an old wife about the quality of jokes. Geez. But here's a golden oldie: A priest, a rabbi and a cop walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "What is this, some kinda joke?"
Clean Mormon Joke A young man is set apart as a missionary. After the setting apart, his stake president reminds him that he is now a missionary and must act as a missionary. The young man is troubled and asks the president, "You know I have a girlfriend. Will it be okay to give her a good-bye kiss at the airport?" The stake president considers this and then says, "I'll tell you what, you can kiss her at the airport if you kiss her the same way you kiss your mother." The young man thinks for a moment and then asks, "Can I warn my mother first?"
Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side. So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date. Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?'' And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.'' Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.'' Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!'' Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''
A woman decided to fix her husband breakfast one morning, so she fixed him scrambled eggs. Her husband, being a cantankerous sort, said 'i wanted boiled eggs'. So the next day she made him boiled eggs. He said 'i wanted fried eggs'. So the next day she made him fried eggs. He said 'i wanted scrambled eggs'. The woman thought she'd found a way to deal with him and so the next day she made one scrambled, one fried, and one boiled egg. She said 'what do you have to say about that'? He said 'you scrambled the wrong egg'!
Some???!!!!???? Some???!!!!!??? Nut? Another critic. I love all your stuff. Especially the one about the woman crawling on all fours, you know, "the floor is level"? That was the night my wife was looking over my shoulder. I told her, "don't worry. I've got a level."
My wife said to me, "If our kids are old enough to ask a question about sex, then they are old enough to be told a truthful answer." Yesterday my eight-year-old came home from school and asked me what a blowjob was. "Son," I said, "I can't remember."