Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. The gynecologist pulls the same stunt.

    [​IMG]


    Bernanke's twin sister.
     
    #4971     Jun 18, 2009
  2. **So we place our order**

    Then she repeats our order to us:

    You oh: (You ordered)

    • Wah oh fai lai, no ay', no uh'
    (1 order fried rice, no eggs, no onions)
    • Wah oh wai lai
    (1 order white rice)
    Ay foo yuh'
    (Egg Fu Yung)
    • She Shau Shih'
    (Sweet and Sour Shrimp)
    She Shau Po'
    (Sweet and Sour Pork)
    • Ko Jih' Chih'
    (Cold Ginger Chicken)
    •*Cha Shoo Bau
    (Chair Siu Bau)
    • Bee Boh'
    (Beef Broccoli)
    • Kree Wuh Tah
    (Crispy Won Ton)
    • Duh ay'
    (Duck Eggs)

    Oh. Be bah ai wah
    (O.K.. Be right back with iced water)
     
    #4972     Jun 18, 2009
  3. Dr. Stunata's Medical Dictionary



    ARTERY - The study of paintings

    BACTERIA - Back door of a cafeteria

    BARIUM - What doctors do when a patient dies

    BOWEL - A letter like a, e, i, o, or u

    CAESAREAN SECTION - A neighborhood in Rome

    CAT SCAN - Searching for a kitty

    CAUTERIZE - Had eye contact with her

    COLIC - A sheep dog

    COMA - A punctuation mark

    D & C - Where Washington is

    DILATE - To live long

    ENEMA - Not a friend

    FESTER - Quicker

    FIBULA - A small lie

    GENITAL - Not a Jew

    G.I. SERIES - A soldier's ball game

    IMPOTENT - Distinguished, well known

    LABOR PAIN - Getting hurt at work

    MEDICAL STAFF - A doctor's cane

    MORBID - A higher offer

    NITRATES - Cheaper than day rates

    NODE - Was aware of

    OUT PATIENT - A person who has fainted

    PAP SMEAR - A fatherhood test

    PELVIS - A cousin of Elvis

    POST OPERATIVE - Letter carrier

    RECOVERY ROOM - Place to do upholstery

    RECTUM - Dang near killed 'em

    SECRETION - Hiding something

    SEIZURE - Roman emperor

    TABLET - Small table

    TERMINAL ILLNESS - Getting sick at the airport

    ULTRASOUND - Good music

    URINE - Opposite of "You're out!"

    VARICOSE - Near by

    VEIN - Conceited
     
    #4973     Jun 18, 2009
  4. [​IMG]
     
    #4974     Jun 18, 2009
  5. TGregg

    TGregg

    From IMAO.US:

    Read the rest at http://www.imao.us/index.php/2009/06/top-ten-reasons-obama-hasnt-spoken-out-about-iran/
     
    #4975     Jun 19, 2009
  6. fhl

    fhl

    A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face.
    She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
    "Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
    The mother is stunned.
    "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
    Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
    "That's right, Dad."
    "Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
    "That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My butt is killing me."
     
    #4976     Jun 19, 2009
  7. TGregg

    TGregg

    Here's one the youngsters won't understand:

    A 60 year old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"

    The 60 year old responded, "Did I say he was dead?"

    The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"

    The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing 3 times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."

    The doctor couldn't believe it! So he said, "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"

    The 60 year old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"

    The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"

    The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that," said the patient, "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again."

    The doctor said, "At 106 years why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?"

    His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Did I say he wanted to?"

    :D
     
    #4977     Jun 19, 2009
  8. fhl

    fhl

    Two families moved from Pakistan to America. When they arrived the two fathers made a bet - in a year's time whichever family had become more American would win.

    A year later they met again. The first man said, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonalds for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud, how about you?"

    The second man replied, "F*** you, towel head."
     
    #4978     Jun 19, 2009
  9. fhl

    fhl

    What did the palestinian woman say to her husband?

    'Does my bomb look big in this?'
     
    #4979     Jun 19, 2009
  10. fhl

    fhl

    What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

    Nothing - she's already been told twice
     
    #4980     Jun 19, 2009