US President Barack Obama swatted a fly during an interview at the White House with television channel CNBC. After killing the fly, the president said: "That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? I got the sucker." I wonder where he learned to do that?
Dave Letterman apologizes...... Fuck you and the dogsled you rode in on. Hey, at least I didn't tell a joke about the retard. What's his name? Oh, yeah, Todd.
Nutmeg walks into the psych ward and finds Stosh hanging by his feet and asks "what are you doing Stosh?" Stosh replies "trying to hang myself" Nutmeg says. "it's supposed to be around your neck" Stosh Replies " I tried that but I couldn't fucking breathe!"
A couple of oldies but I suppose you'd have to be there. So there are 2 pandas in a bath tub Panda #1 says " can you hand me the soap" Panda #2 says " What do I look like?? Your fucking alarm clock!!!!!" ----------------------------------- Two Penguins are having dinner. One penguin says to the other, "Please pass the butter." The other penguin says, "No butter. Radio."
A young boy enters the barber shop and Bill the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" whispers the barber. "That kid never learns! He's got to be the dumbest kid in the world." Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, this game is over!" ---------------- I love this joke.