I sent that one out to a few people. That was funny. Reminds me of my daughter (the one who is as dumb as a stick) when she had her son. She was afraid what might happen when she changed his diaper, so I would take off his diaper, hold one of his legs in the air and chase her around the house pointing his whacker at her. Me and lil goober had fun with the "lunch lady" yup, that's what we called her. He didn't know her as mom till he got older.
Obama pays a visit to Denny's and learns some lessons: <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_yiQXPOO1Yo&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_yiQXPOO1Yo&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
* By controlling my anger, I created or saved your face. * I slowed down in the school zone, creating or saving three children. * Cheneyâs waterboarding terrorists created or saved thousands of Americans. * Deciding against serial killing, i created or saved upwards of 33 people.
Taxes will be going up 6% saving tax payers millions of dollars BECAUSE we were going to raise taxes 8%. Gees, that's swell. On the energy front, install a 52 watt bulb and you save on your energy bill as much electricity as generated by a 52 watt bulb.
Real Entertaining Puns It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye. For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act, but he was just going through a stage. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink. I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents. Somebody was running a flea circus, but a dog came and stole the show. A circus lion won't eat clowns because they taste funny. Seven days without a pun makes one weak. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Soldiers in plays like to Shakespeares. A former doctor, while auditioning for a play, broke his leg. But luckily, he could still make the cast. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall - and a pretty good spring and summer, too. A pun is its own reword. Thirsty jokers can be seen waiting in the punch line. The unveiling of the statue was a monumental occasion. I keep reading 'The Lord of the Rings' over and over. I guess it's just force of hobbit When the human cannonball retired they couldn't find a replacement of the right caliber. I like to stay current with the electrifying adventures of Sherlock ohms When James Bond slept through the earthquake, he was shaken but not stirred. When a vampire decided to become a poet, everyone said he went from bat to verse. Two ladies were discussing the planetarium show they had just seen; one said the show was fantastic, while the other agreed but added 'Most of it was over my head.' I hear the Sylvester Stallone Film Festival got off to a rocky start. A tight-rope walker enjoys being on-line. To kill a circus in one blow, go for the juggler. If actions speak louder than words then why can't you hear mime artists? The astronomer became an actor because he always wanted to visit the stars. 'Change the channel' she said remotely. A speaker at the firearms convention had to rifle through his notes. When Peter Pan spoke to Captain Hook he made an off-hand comment. I wasn't allowed to be in Star Wars, because I tested positive for droids. He auditioned for a part as a trumpet player but he blew it. I watched a movie about a baby hen, it was a real chick flick. Nobody listens to Bugs Bunny, its all haresay. When the unemployed actor got a job with a demolition company he finally brought down the house. The circus manager made the clowns undress in his office as he was fond of comic strips. Everyone agreed that the actor, who had played a hostage, had given a captivating performance. For a family to watch a 007 movie at the theatre is a bonding experience. An amusement park had a ride break down and had to hire a spin doctor.
I have taken it a pun myself to find a good pun! After my friend entered a local biggest loser contest he informed me that I would be seeing less of him. To find the marionnette I wanted, I had to pull a lot of strings. Tickets to see Paul McCartney were over a hundred dollars each because of the Sir charge. The fear of St. Nicholas is known as Claus-trophobia. When the human cannonball was late for work he got fired. Have you heard the joke about the airplane? No. Well, it was way over your head anyway. To learn rope tricks you have to be taut, Some orchestra conductors make their mark in the world of opera. They were in the right aria at the right time. Mickey Mouse gives some people Disney spells. The ballerina found her outfit too-too painful. He didn't want to volunteer for the rodeo but he got roped into it. The play on fishing had quite a cast. When old story tellers die they are mythed. A karate demonstration movie became a block buster. He made a movie of his haircut. It was a short film clip. Circus elephants work all day for just peanuts. Did you see guys that Bob the ventriloquist hangs out with? They're nothing special, just a bunch of dummies. The actor was never quite right after he retired. He had Post Dramatic Stress Disorder. The string went to the dance and had a ball. Of course you know about the self-taught comedian who made a fool of himself. I stole someone else's idea for a stage drama. Am I a playgiarist? As a tightrope walker she was top-of-the-line. A clown decided to retire and hand over the business to his son. His son said, 'I don't know dad, those are big shoes to fill'. A group of ballerinas were wearing their tutus. A couple of extra costumes arrived but they thought they might be tu tu many. The guy who sold his carnival got a Fair deal. The circus had to renew their insurance policy. They were in a hurry, so the insurance company issued a three ring binder. Many years ago I had this crazy idea about writing a novel about the Civil War but then suddenly it was all gone with the wind. I was going to order a satellite dish but then I found out that I had to go through channels. Salt water puns are a bunch abalone A Dracula movie had to be re-Vamped. Old tightrope walkers never die, they just get high strung. A flat-rate poetry tax would be a perverse form of greed. An acrobat was so strong that he held the balance of power. He was able to listen to his favorite radio show in the morning because he had an AM radio. I accidentally left my vacuum cleaner running all night. I guess you could say it was an overnight suck excess. He sat in the magician's audience dressed as a cactus. He was a plant. Acrobats are always doing good turns. A six foot poet stanza very tall.
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, "you are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom, Ann: "You obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third mom, Joyce: "your obsession is alcohol. This, too, shows itself in your child's name, Brandy." At the point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's go pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner."
Husband: You no longer pleasure me, you need to get a Designer Vagina. Wife (with his thing in her mouth): Chomp Husband: Aaaargh!!!!! Wife: Shall I call you an ambulance? Husband : Yes please. Wife: You are an ambulance.
Two blondes and a brunette are hanging off the side of a volcano, and decide to see who can stay there the longest. They've been there for about 2 hours when the brunette says "I know, lets sing a song to keep us amused. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands"....