Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. Yup, follow the skoda driver :D
     
    #4901     Jun 9, 2009
  2. Yannis

    Yannis

    Tips for Handling Telemarketers

    Three Little Words That Work !!
    (1)The three little words are: 'Hold On, Please...'
    Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.
    Then when you eventually hear the phone company's 'beep-beep-beep' tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.
    These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.
    (2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?
    This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.
    This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a 'real' sales person to call back and get someone at home.
    What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer !!!
    (3) Junk Mail Help:
    When you get 'ads' enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these 'ads' with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.

    When you get those 'pre-approved' letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.

    Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 41 cents postage 'IF' and when they receive them back.

    It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.

    One of Andy Rooney's (60 minutes) ideas.
    Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back!
    If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.
    You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them 41 cents.
    The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!
    Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again You get the idea !
    If enough people follow these tips, it will work ---- I have been doing this for years, and I get very little junk mail anymore.

    THIS JUST MIGHT BE ONE E-MAIL THAT YOU WILL WANT TO FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS

    :) :) :)
     
    #4902     Jun 9, 2009
  3. Humpy

    Humpy

    I expect some would like to send back the envelope with a small present from their dog !

    yuk
     
    #4903     Jun 9, 2009
  4. Why do skodas have a rear winshield wiper ?

    To remove the flies that crash into them.
     
    #4904     Jun 9, 2009
  5. Yannis

    Yannis

    Matter Of Perspective

    Two cars approached a tricky turn from opposite directions and at high speed somewhere in Central Europe: a brand new Porsche driven by a German financier on a lecture tour, and an old Skoda driven by a Czech factory worker going back home.

    They were both at fault; the cars collided and totaled each other. The drivers escaped death almost by miracle and they both crawled under a nearby tree, full of blood and dirt.

    The German guy looked at his destroyed car and sighed: "boy, that's 3 months of pay down the drain..."

    The Czech driver did the same: "oh my God, that's three years of salary gone..."

    At which point, the German turned and yelled: "I told you guys, buy less expensive cars!"

    :) :) :)
     
    #4905     Jun 9, 2009
  6. A Skoda approached a tricky turn at high speed somewhere in Central Europe and hit a cat!!!!!!. The cat was fine. The Skoda however, died.
     
    #4906     Jun 9, 2009
  7. TGregg

    TGregg

    Good song, but holy moly music videos have some a long way since this:

    <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/yPBwbdRuKPc&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/yPBwbdRuKPc&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
     
    #4907     Jun 9, 2009
  8. Two Muslims walk into a musical instrument shop.

    BOOM BOOM tish!
     
    #4908     Jun 9, 2009
  9. "Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money."
     
    #4909     Jun 9, 2009
  10. I took my kids to a Petting Zoo and a goat tried to charge me.

    I told it to fuck off. I'm not paying twice.
     
    #4910     Jun 10, 2009