My wife was telling me what she wanted written on her gravestone when she dies: "Mrs Nutmeg: Loving Wife, Devoted Mother." I said, "That's good. Open with a joke."
A mother and her daughter were at the gynecologistâs office. The mother asked the doctor to examine her daughter. "She has been having some strange symptoms and Iâm worried about her," the mother said. The doctor examined the daughter carefully and then announced, "Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant." The mother gasped, "Thatâs nonsense! Why, my little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men." She turned to the girl. "You donât, do you, dear?" "No, mom," said the girl. "Why, you know that I have never so much as kissed a man!" The doctor looked from mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently he stood up and walked to the window, staring out. He continued staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is there something wrong out there?" "No, Madam," said the doctor. "Itâs just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up."
An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?' The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to .' A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun. The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule's ass?' The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.
I was bored at work today, so I gave a colleague a clock and told him to give it to someone else. I had to do something to pass the time.
Oscar Meyer Weiner comes to Japan. <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/prLT9mULJZM&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/prLT9mULJZM&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Only one float in this Thanksgiving Day parade. <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/78jD9sO0UDc&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/78jD9sO0UDc&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>