Hear about the socialilte who wouldn't get a colostomy, because she couldn't get shoes to match the bag? Affirmative!!!
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Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day....... As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world." "I am entering!" said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd you do?" " First Place !," said Snow White. They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world." "I'm entering," says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" " First Place ," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?" They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?" "I'm entering," says Pinocchio. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked. "Who the hell is Nancy Pelosi?" asked Pinocchio.
The California Supreme Court reached a compromise on same-sex marriage today, deciding to allow lesbians, but not male gay couples to marry. The majority opinion was given by Chief Justice Stunata summarized the majority position: Chicks dig weddings. They like to pick the food, invitations etc; make the guest list; get all dressed up. It would be hard for us to not give that to them. Lesbian relationships might actually be stronger, as they'd be able to avoid common pitfalls like one spouse leaving the toilet seat up.
An woman in Detroit went to the school to register her boys. "How many children do you have?" asked the secretary. "Ten" she said. "And what are their names?" she was asked. "Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, and Bob" she said "They're ALL named Bob?" the secretary asked. "What if you want them to come in from playing?' "That's easy" she explained. "I just call Bob and they all come running". "And what if you want them to come and eat?" the secretary asked. "I just say Bob, come eat your dinner, and they do". She said. "But what if you want just ONE Bob to do something?" asked the secretary "Oh that's easy" she said. "I just use their last names".
Nutmeg, "Ma, how's your GM doing?" Ma, "I sold it, I bought more Ford." Nutmeg, "Whaddya mean you bought m-o-r-e Ford?" Ma, "I bought Ford at $2.87. Maybe you should call more often". Me "(Sigh)"