Today is my wifes birthday, you know what that means? Today is the one day she goes outside for fresh air and takes the basketball and does her annual "hoop shot". She only shoots once (after that the ball might have landed in 'poison ivy'), she invariably makes the shot and then gets in the car and goes off to buy lottery tickets (I guess she feels lucky). So far 8 years, 8 shots, 8 baskets. (I only put the hoop up eight years ago)
New Stress Test I am not exactly sure how it works, but this is amazingly accurate. The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's Hospital. Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical; a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins. The more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more stress that person is experiencing. Look at the photograph ...... and if you find more than one or two differences you may want to take a holiday.
I took the test and I'll tell you what I think. 800 Americans die every year because of dolphins who decide to drink and swim. They may be friendly, but once they knock back a few Buds they turn into homicidal maniacs (as the picture clearly shows) who will destroy anything in their path. Because of this I have started the Friend Society Against Drunken Dolphins.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. "She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me." The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
This Time, She Was Right! Wife: âThereâs trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.â Husband: âWater in the carburetor? Thatâs ridiculous.â Wife: âI tell you the car has water in the carburetor.â Husband: âYou donât even know what a carburetor is. Whereâs the car?â Wife: âIn the swimming pool...â