I am devastated that my poor dad has got Alzheimer's but, on the plus side, he gives me back the $50 I lent him up to three times a day.
A blind man walks into a library and says, "Do you have any books on tape?" The librarian says, "Yes, but it's not a very interesting subject."
Two goats were behind a Hollywood studio eating an old movie reel. One goat said to the other: "Pretty good, huh?" The second goat replied: "Yeah, but not as good as the book."
A bevy of stars and celebrities and musicians have signed on to do a benefit concert for GM and Chrysler. They hope to contribute to a positive outcome to the current auto crisis. They're calling it "Lemon Aid".
A guy is screwing his overweight girlfriend when his phone rings. "You'll have to phone back, mate," he says. "I'm in the tub."
I just sent a postcard back home to my ex-girlfriend, it read: The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.