If you're using a public bus never give up your seat to an old lady... That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.
Two lesbians were having a drink at the bar when a good-looking woman waved at them from across the room. "I'd like to get between her legs," said the first lesbian. "Oh, no you wouldn't," responded her friend. "She's hung like a fucking doughnut."
Important Medical Announcement For Men http://www.break.com/usercontent/2007/6/Prostate-and-the-Tomato-PSA-306216.html
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM⦠(The first part of the joke was the perfect day for HER, but in the interest of the lack of interest, I won't be posting it.) 6:00 Alarm 6:15 Blow job 6:30 Massive, satisfying shit while reading the sports section 7:00 Breakfastâsteak and eggs, coffee and toastâall cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot 7:30 Limo arrives 7:45 Several beers on route to the airport 9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet 9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job on-route) 9:45 Play front nine (2 under par) 11:45 Lunchâsteak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon 12:15 Blow job 12:30 Another Blow job 2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons) 2:30 Fly to Bahamas 3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot 4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)âon light tackle 5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson (bending over, naturally) 6:45 shit, shower and shave 7:00 Watch newsâMichael Jackson assassinated 7:30 Dinnerâlobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits 9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV as you watch football game 9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer 11:30 Night-cap blow job 11:45 In bed alone 11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room 11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep
Hopefully I've got a book coming out soon. Admittedly, I don't think I should have eaten it in the first place.