Jokes 2

As such, when I saw my buddy in town recently with a female companion on his arm, I yelled at him- "Oi, Chubby, you fat cunt, are you going to shag that or enter it in Crufts?"

 

What's the difference between Crufts and Billie Bob's?

There are fewer dogs at Crufts.

 

A Polish man is chatting up a girl in a nightclub, "In my country, you would be a Princess" he says.

The girl turns to him and says "And in my country you'd work in McDonald’s, now fuck off."

 

I was in the pub last night and asked the barman for a double.

He came back with someone who looked just like me.

 

I was explaining to my son about the Birds and the Bees. He didn't quite understand.

"Doesn't the bird get stung on his cock Dad"?

 

I've been watching golf with my girlfriend and she's quite taken by it. She even goes as far as to shout 'Get it in the hole!'.

Unlucky for her, she has two.

 

Hi Fly,

Big world famous dog show held in London annually

 

Since we are in hard times ***********

A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning.
He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the
next Monday. "Downsizing."

He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it
doesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to
figure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill
standing at the water cooler. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to be
one of them."

He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does.
Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He's
in a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to
think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and
Jill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye.

"Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good. Is everything
okay?"
He looks at her and says "To be honest, I'm having a tough time here. I
can't decide if I should lay you or Jack off."

And she looks at him and says "Well I have to catch a bus, so I suggest
you jack off.

 

You see a box of puppies, I see Korean barbecue.

 

I was arrested yesterday for complimenting a horse.

I said to my friend - "Look at the massive cock on that horse over there"

It seems the policeman sitting on his back wasn't too amused.