Some Interesting Facts It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb). The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb. Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. Women blink twice as often as men. The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain. Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still. If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it. ... Women reading this will be finished now. Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb. I really wasn't checking my thumb, I started to rethink what I know about the "Rules of Thumb" Which led me to this rule of thumb. "No black person has ever used the term "Bumfuck, Egypt."
This was a guy a lot of us used to imitate and quote back in the day. <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/MK0ITXBWpHE&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/MK0ITXBWpHE&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Good Old Neologisms Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologisms, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are: Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners: Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. Karmageddon (n): Its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. Glibido (v): All talk and no action. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature: Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Yasoo HDM, good to hear from you. I've been in and out all day. Here's a couple Greek jokes for you: A Greek man, an Turkish man, a Swedish girl and an old Italian woman are traveling on a train that has just entered a dark tunnel. Suddenly they hear a loud slap, and when the train emerges, the Turkish man has a red hand print on his cheek. "He must have groped the Swedish girl, and she slapped him," the Italian woman thinks. "He tried to grope me but fondled the old lady instead, and she slapped him," the Swedish girl decides. "The Greek guy must have groped the blonde, and she slapped me by accident," the Turkish man determines. "I can't wait for another tunnel," the Greek man thinks, "so I can smack that Turk again!"
Here's another one: You Know You're Greek When... 1) You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you. 2) Your uncle owns a restaurant, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a '76 Monte Carlo. 3) You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro. 4) Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives. 5) You have a relative that has done something that required the IRS to threaten him. 6) Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law's brother-in-law. 7) You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 dance clubs. 8) Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just Do Me" tank top to Wasaga. 9) At least 5 of your cousins live on your street. 10) All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather. 11) A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts. 12) You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners. 13) If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his mother had an affair. 14) There are more than 28 people in your bridal party. 15) You netted more than $50,000 on your baptism. 16) At some point in your life, you waited tables. 17) 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Embros" when answering the phone. 18) You are an adult and are forced to be with your family at 12 midnight on New Year's Eve. 19) Upon meeting another Greek, one of your first questions is, "what church do you go to"? 20) Your grandmother/mother/aunt has a miracle cure for every ailment under the sun. 21) You can name any or all of the gods on Mount Olympus. 22) Your mother or father still feel the need to tell you, "katse kala" in public. 23) You have been hit with a "pandofla" or a "koutala" or a "lourithi". 24) You can dance the kalamatiano, tsamiko or zebekiko without music. 25) You or a family member have been photographed with a donkey. 26) You must name your children after your parents, grandparents, or in-laws. 27) You have at least 5 Maria's, 9 Dimitri's, 5 Niko's, 6 George's and 4 Yanni's in the family. 28) You have ever heard the phrase, "Sto leo yia to kalo sou". 29) Your parents have ever made up the name of a street or store or tv show because they couldn't remember it or pronounce it. 30) Upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what village they're from. 31) You have ever been threatened by a Greek School Teacher. 32) You still get threatened by a Greek School Teacher even though you're 30 yrs old. 33) You have been spanked by your friend's parents because your parents gave them permission to. 34) You have a bottle of OUZO in your house right now. 35) You know what a "komboloi" is. 36) You know how to work a "komboloi". 37) When you were younger and going on car trips you always had to sit on someone's lap in the front or back seat. 38) You were ever threatened to be eaten by the "mavro pontiki" when you were little. 39) Someone in your family owns or works in any type of restaurant. 40) You are surprised to learn that the local pet store does not sell goats. 41) You can't understand why McDonald's rejected your idea for the "McFeta" Burger. 42) Your entire house is a needlepoint warehouse! 43) You eat Vanilla with a spoon from the jar. 44) You have at least 2 kitchens in your house and a lamb roaster in your backyard. 45) Your parents keep the unclaimed $$$$$ in old moth ball smelling coat pockets. 46) At Weddings the karta (card) is determined on the amount of food, the type of band, if the couple is Greek and whether you are convinced the marriage will last. 47) You make up your own Greco-American language :For e.g. Carro (car), Moovare (move), Wassemassini (washing machine), bassi (bus). 48) You can always go to yiayia or papou to curse out your parents and all they do is soothe you and feed you karpouzi. 49) You have been given the evil eye by your mother in public and/or the biting of the forefinger knuckle. 50) You were the first one to get cable on your block, but the last to have it legally. 51) You dread kissing everyone at family gatherings, because you wind up smelling like armpits at the end of the night. 52) You've been embarrassed by Mom or Dad in stores because they expect the Greek discount and ask to waive the tax if they pay in cash.