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Once in a land far away was this problem. The King was worried that his big donkey, called economy, because she was constipated. Nothing seemed to work. They tried all the potions and cures but niente, nothing. Big donkey no shit. The King starts getting annoyed with BB the donkeyâs handler and started threatening various sorts of harsh punishment if BB ( stood for bird brain ) couldnât cure economy of her illness. Somebody mentioned an African Witch Doctor passing through who might help. BB was desperate and only had hours to live if he couldnât come up with the cure, so he offers the Witch Doctor a whole Fort full of gold if he could cure Big donkey. He gives BB a huge pill. Next day BB appears looking worried. How did you get on says the King ominously ? Er, says BB, it worked, big shit but no donkey !
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'"
Getting Randomly Picked To Make Half-Court Shots Now Best Way To Earn Living March 16, 2009 | WASHINGTONâA new study released by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics Tuesday confirmed that the most dependable source of income for American workers in the current economic climate is to win a novelty contest in which one must successfully shoot a basketball from half-court. "After factoring in the odds of your ticket number being called while attending a game, the median dollar value awarded, and the athletic ability of the average American citizen, and cross-referencing these data with employment forecasts and current job-security indices, we have determined that half-court shooting contests are currently the most effective way to support a family of four," the report read in part. "While this may seem like dire news, keep in mind that the consolation prize for missing the shot usually includes a food item from the concession stand." The report cited several other possible methods of securing a livelihood, including 50-50 raffles, lotto scratch-offs, and inventing YouTube.
The Captain's Secret Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did: for years he guided merchant ships in every ocean, sea and port, all over the world. Never did stormy seas, foul weather or pirates get the best of him, not even close. His list of accomplishments was endless. He was admired and respected by his crew, revered and envied by all of his fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily duties. For many years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope. One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captainâs quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, and opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Eight words were scribbled there: Bow = Front; Stern = Back; Port = Left; Starboard = Right
If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look in the mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur: "My financial and personal well being are totally in the hands of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid,vNancy Pelosi, Tim Geithner, Rahm Emmannual, Barney Frank, & Chris Dodd". If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, then you are probably destined to be backed up for the rest of your life.