Young Paddy, moved to Roscommon and bought a Donkey from a farmer for â¬100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. But the next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.' Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, sorry I can't do that, I went and spent it already.' Paddy said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What are ye gonna do with him? Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.' A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?' Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at â¬2 a piece and made a profit of EUR898.00.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Paddy said, 'Only the guy who won. So I gave him his â¬2 back.' Paddy now works for the Irish Government
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM CHICAGO WHEN.... You can name three or four extra taxes nobody else pays. You can use two or three Daleyisms in context. Da is a proper definite article. You expect corruption in local politics. You've been caught speeding in Wisconsin because you had Illinois plates. You know dead people who voted. You know exactly how many cars are "legally" allowed to turn left after the light turns red. You consider paying someone to watch your car at a sporting event as just another "city tax." You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois" You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers! You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car! You understand what "lake-effect" means You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet! You drink at bars called "Bud on Tap" or "Milwaukee's Best" -- no names, just beer signs out front. It's January and you see someone's kitchen chair in the street, and you know that if you're a responsible citizen and bring it back to the sidewalk you will be shot on sight You live two miles from work and it takes you two hours to drive there You don't flinch when you pay the fifth toll of your 45-minute car ride on the highway When you read a big story in the paper about mob ties in the city government, your first reaction is "So, tell me something I don't know." You know Lincoln Towing is Satan incarnate. You've paid $105 for towing, $30 for more than one "street cleaning" ticket, $58 for a city vehicle sticker, and $70 for a license plate sticker -- and chalk it all up to "neighborhood taxes." You've cursed at a cyclist, pedestrian, or in-line skater on the lakefront path. You've taken the Red Line past the point where all white people get off and all black people get on -- or vice versa.
A financial planner suggested to a wealthy client that he should invest in a circus. The client expressed great surprise at such an unusual recommendation: "A circus? Why on earth should I buy into a circus?" The financial planner replied: "Because of the elephants." The client, puzzled even more, then asked: "The elephants? What is the connection between circus elephants and investments?" The financial planner asked: "Well, do you know much it costs to feed an elephant?" The client, slightly annoyed, responded: "No, of course I do not know much it costs to feed an elephant." The financial planner explained: "Well, neither does the IRS."
I missed a golden opportunity yesterday evening! I met this really fit looking girl in a pub and after a few drinks, she asked, "Would you like to come back to my place and give me 12 hard inches?" I agreed, on condition that I could give her it in three installments. That was the last I fucking saw of her!
I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow. I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels. I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll take a shit on the floor and piss everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink cock. Let's see Crimewatch fucking stage a reconstruction of that.
Seven Funny Videclips http://www.medialunchbox.com/Funny-Videos/4.Fun-Stuff/2184.Video-Conference-Gone-Wrong.html http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwM6uQYwhHk&eurl=http://www.funnyyoutubevideo.com/fun1.html http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJrfagFeGRY&eurl=http://www.funnyyoutubevideo.com/fun2.html http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HttF5HVYtlQ&eurl=http://www.funnyyoutubevideo.com/fun3.html http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2rZxCrb7iU&eurl=http://www.funnyyoutubevideo.com/fun5.html http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFmFm7N7M0o&eurl=http://www.funnyyoutubevideo.com/fun10.html http://www.medialunchbox.com/Funny-Videos/3.In-The-News/2307.Random-Crazy-Guy-Kisses-Reporter.html