Do you have a d-d-d-d-dime? No Y-Y-Y yes you d -d -do --do -do- do, you have one in your -h-h-h-h-h ha--ha-ha-nd. I have *one* in my hand, but you asked for fifty cents!
A man and his wife are lying in bed, the wife asks her wealthy husband if he has any idea how to she could enlarge her breasts, he replies, "Take a roll of toilet paper and rub it between the middle of your breasts several times a day, that will do the trick" The wife replies, "Are you sure that will work"? The husband says, "Judging by the size of your arse I'm absolutely certain".
Somewhere is a hilarious flash movie much like this one, but it's a mock driver's training one. It's called something like Stop & Go or Green & Red, but I can't seem to find it.
Another Good Oldie When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her - David Boisonette After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together - Sacha Guitry. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher - Socrates. Women inspire us to great things, and prevent us from achieving them - Anon. The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want? Alexander Dumas I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me - Sigmund Freund. 'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant six times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, and I go Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays - Anon. There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage - Sam Kinison I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't - James Holt McGavra Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut your mouth - Patrick Murra The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Nash You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to - Anon. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met - Henny Youngman A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong - Rodney Dangerfield A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said more or less the same thing: 'You can have mine, please...' - Anon. First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive... - Anon.