I watched the movie `Jawsâ backwards, itâs a movie about a shark that keeps throwing up people until they have to open a beach
The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tutti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind. A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind. The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind. The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he could also bless gay people. The Pope said, "Sure". The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini, et Tutti Fruiti."
(teen comes onto train and does the whole spiel about selling M&Ms for his school, walks up and down the car, no one buys anything) Teen: I'm also selling weed. Guy: Really? Teen: No. But I should go back to dealing, this shit doesn't pay. --A Train
A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest having a crap. The bear leans over to the bunny and says: "Do you ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The bunny says: "No." So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass.
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing âLoveâ stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says âI`m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, `Guess who?`â âBut why?â asks the man. âI`m a divorce lawyer,â the man replies.