There's some guy calling himself Doug Allen on another thread offering to fund any traders with mega bucks. Could be this is the thread he should be on
Anything... A pretty looking student comes to a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly."I would do anything to pass this exam," she says. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything..." He returns her gaze, "Anything?""Anything." His voice softens, "Anything?""Anything," she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"
Anything... A pretty looking Bank CEO comes to a young President's (oval) office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly."I would do anything to save my bank," she says. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything..." He returns her gaze, "Anything?""Anything." His voice softens, "Anything?""Anything," she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... make prudent decisions?"
Anything... A political hack comes to a young Governor's office. He glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to become a senator, he says. He leans closer to him, flips open his wallet, and looks him straight in the eye. "I mean," he whispers, "I would do anything..." He returns his stare, "Anything?""Anything." His voice softens, "Anything?""Anything," he repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper to avoid being recorded. "Would you... ?"
A certain secretary of treasurer comes to Nancy Pelosi's office. He glances down the hall, closes the door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything for700b, he says. She leans closer to him, flips open MY wallet, and looks him straight in the eye. "Would you kiss the tax relief on my wooden arrow ring?" stay tuned....
If a Chimp just ripped your face off,don't you worry ,don't you fret. 'Cause there's one thing you'll be sure of,whatever stress,it'll be 'no sweat'.
Baked Beans - >> > One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. >> > >> > When it became apparent that we would marry, I made >> the supreme sacrifice >> > and gave up beans. >> > >> > Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down >> on the way home from >> > work. >> > >> > Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband >> and told him that I >> > would be late because I had to walk home. >> > >> > On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of >> baked beans was more >> > than I could stand. >> > >> > With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off >> any ill effects by the >> > time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and >> before I knew it, I had >> > >> > consumed t hree large orders of baked beans. >> > >> > All the way home, I made sure that I released all the >> gas. >> > >> > Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me >> and exclaimed >> > delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for >> dinner tonight." >> > >> > He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the >> dinner table. >> > >> > I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my >> blindfold, the >> > telephone >> > rang. >> > >> > He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he >> returned and went >> > to >> > answer the call. >> > >> > The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me >> and the pressure >> > was >> > becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out >> of the room I seized >> > the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let >> one go. >> > >> > It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer >> truck running over >> > a >> > skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. >> > >> > I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around >> me vigorously. >> > >> > Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three >> more. The stink was >> > worse than cooked cabbage. >> > >> > Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in >> the other room, I >> > went on like this for another few minutes. >> > >> > The pleasure was indescribable. >> > When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the >> end of my freedom, I >> > quickly fanned the air a few more times with my >> napkin, placed it on my >> > lap >> > and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved >> and pleased with >> > myself. >> > >> > My face must have been the picture of innocence when >> my husband returned, >> > apologizing for taking so long. >> > >> > He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and >> I assured him I had >> > not. >> > >> > At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve >> dinner guests seated >> > around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" >> >> > >> > I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feel free to use these resume tips. 1. I am very detail-oreinted. 2. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable. 3. Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty! 4. Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume. 5. Itâs best for employers that I not work with people. 6. Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. 7. I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated. 8. If this resume doesnât blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope. 9. My fortune cookie said, âYour next interview will result in a job.â And I like your company in particular. 10. I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt. 11. Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity. 12. Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date. 13. Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable. 14. Graduated in the top 66% of my class. 15. Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately. 16. Previous experience: Self-employed-a fiasco. 17. Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business. 18. Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years. 19. I am a rabid typist. 20. I have a bachelorette degree in computers. 21. Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math. 22. Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer. 23. I worked as a Corporate Lesion. 24. Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice presidentâs girlfriend could steal my job. 25. Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel. 26. Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis. 27. Special skills: Thyping. 28. My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend. 29. I can play well with others. 30. Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law. 31. Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days. 32. Experience: Provided correct answers to customersâ questions. 33. Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors. 34. Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now. 35. I have happily been a âkept manâ for the past 10 years. 36. Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and implementation. 37. I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can. 38. Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky. 39. While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system. 40. My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule. 41. Hire me and you wonât regret it - I am funny, cute, smart and creative⦠really. 42. Referees available upon request. 43. Previous rank: Senior instigator. 44. I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly. 45. Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me. 46. Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days. 47. Personal achievements: Successfully played âChop Sticksâ on a toy piano with my big toes. 48. Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication. 49. Strengths: Impersonal skills. 50. Special interests: I like any projects that are fun. 51. Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store. 52. Vocational plans: Sea World.