A lawyer and a redhead are sitting next to each other on a long flight fron LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The redhead just wants to sleep and politely declines. The lawyer persists and explains the game is really quite easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and visa-versa." Again, the redhead politely declines to play. The lawyer, now somewhat aggitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00 and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50.00", figuring that since she is a redhead he will easily win the match. This catches the redheads' attention and, figuring that there will be no peace until she plays, she agrees to the match. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the Earth top the Moon?" The redhead doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now it's the redheads' turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?". The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all hs references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his lawyer friends and coworkers -- but to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes up the redhead and hands her $50.00. The redhead politely takes the $50.00 and turns away to go back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes up the redhead and asks "Well, so what is the answer?" Without saying a word, the redhead reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00 and goes back to sleep.
White men can't jump. actually I might be the only one who finds this funny. <object width="480" height="295"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/GrU3dVKr3I4&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/GrU3dVKr3I4&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="295"></embed></object> <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Rtlm5oID4Bg&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Rtlm5oID4Bg&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Here's a new drug that turns people into liberals: <embed src="http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/common/assets/videoplayer/flvplayer.swf" allowScriptAccess="always" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" flashvars="file=http://www.theonion.com/content/xml/93207/video&debugging=true&autostart=false&image=http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/DEPRESSANT_DRUG_article.jpg&bufferlength=3&embedded=true&title=FDA%20Approves%20Depressant%20Drug%20For%20The%20Annoyingly%20Cheerful" height="355" width="400" ></embed><br/><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/node/93207?utm_source=embedded_video">FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful</a>
I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didnât pick up hers.
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?' BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I fucking have to have it........ <embed src="http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/common/assets/videoplayer2/flvplayer.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowScriptAccess="always" wmode="transparent" width="400" height="355" flashvars="file=http://www.theonion.com/content/xml/93143/video&autostart=false&image=http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/SONY_FUCK_article3_0.jpg &bufferlength=3&embedded=true&title=Sony%20Releases%20New%20Stupid%20Piece%20Of%20Shit%20That%20Doesn%27t%20Fucking%20Work"></embed>
Quid Pro Quo A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage. He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch it close up. I just LOVE those things. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a VERY handsome tip!" The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a dime. The usher glances at the dime in dismay, looks around angrily, smiles, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it..."
Happy Valentines day guys, love hurts (what a sick mofo that nutmeg, laughing at this shit) <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/8WTJ2tGhJl4&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/8WTJ2tGhJl4&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?" The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."