To Clarify Things A neurotic is the person who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the person who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the person who collects the rent.
This little 6 year old girl comes running home all distressed and howling her head off. Her mother, finally gets it out of her between the bawling, that her daughter has been raped. The mother settles the little girl down, enough to get her to the police station, to report this horrible act. At the police station, the sergent interviewing the little girl, asks as nicely as he can: "Could you please tell me what the nasty man did, so we can get him?" The little girl sobs "Yeah, I'll try sniff, sniff" Policeman: "Righto then what's happened?" Girl: "sob Well I was walking down the street to get mummy some milk. sniff sob When the big nasty man jumped out and grabbed me bawl" Policeman: "Yes please go on ..." Girl: "Then sob sob he lifted up my dress howl" Policeman: "then? ..." Girl: "He pulled down my pants ... absolutely bawling now ..... no I can't go on ...." The sergent then stands up from behind the desk wanking himself for dear life and says "WELL FREAKING MAKE SOMETHING UP!"
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Three women were applying for work with the CIA as undercover agents. After several tests they were at the final test of their total loyalty to the "Company". The first woman was given a pistol and told to enter a room, shoot and kill the man in the chair. She entered and after a short while came out sobbing...I can't do it, that's my husband and I love him. Second woman was given a pistol with the same orders, different room, shoot and kill the man in the room. She too came out sobbing...I love my husband too much to kill him. The third woman had the same task, enter a room, shoot and kill the man in the chair. She entered and several shots were fired, followed by what sounded like a ferocious battle with lots of screaming and yelling. After several minutes she exited the room, looking as if she had been in a brutal fight. The now frantic testing agent asked, what the hell happened? She answered, well the damn gun was loaded with blanks and I had to beat the S.O.B. to death with the chair.:eek:
Maybe if these assholes had done some of this during the campaign, I wouldn't wake up screaming every night. <style type='text/css'>.cc_box a:hover .cc_home{background:url('http://www.comedycentral.com/comedycentral/video/assets/syndicated-logo-over.png') !important;}.cc_links a{color:#b9b9b9;text-decoration:none;}.cc_show a{color:#707070;text-decoration:none;}.cc_title a{color:#868686;text-decoration:none;}.cc_links a:hover{color:#67bee2;text-decoration:underline;}</style><div class='cc_box' style='position:relative'><a href='http://www.comedycentral.com' target='_blank' style='display:inline; float:left; width:60px; height:31px;'><div class='cc_home' style='float:left; border:solid 1px #cfcfcf; border-width:1px 0px 0px 1px; width:60px; height:31px; background:url("http://www.comedycentral.com/comedycentral/video/assets/syndicated-logo-out.png");'></div></a><div style='font:bold 10px Arial,Helvetica,Verdana,sans-serif; float:left; width:299px; height:31px; border:solid 1px #cfcfcf; border-width:1px 1px 0px 0px; overflow:hidden; color:#707070;'><div class='cc_show' style='position:relative; background-color:#e5e5e5;padding-left:3px; height:14px; padding-top:2px; overflow:hidden;'><a href='http://www.thedailyshow.com/' target='_blank'>The Daily Show With Jon Stewart</a><span style='position:absolute; top:2px; right:3px;'>M - Th 11p / 10c</span></div><div class='cc_title' style='font-size:11px; color:#868686; background-color:#f5f5f5; padding:3px; padding-top:1px; line-height:14px; height:21px; overflow:hidden;'><a href='http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=218356&title=clusterf#@k-to-the-poor-house' target='_blank'>Clusterf#@k to the Poor House - The Stimulus Package</a></div></div><embed style='float:left; clear:left;' src='http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:comedycentral.com:218356' width='360' height='301' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' wmode='window' allowFullscreen='true' allowscriptaccess='always' allownetworking='all' flashvars='autoPlay=false' bgcolor='#000000'></embed><div class='cc_links' style='float:left; clear:left; width:358px; border:solid 1px #cfcfcf; border-top:0px; font:10px Arial,Helvetica,Verdana,sans-serif; color:#b9b9b9; background-color:#f5f5f5;'><div style='width:177px; float:left; padding-left:3px;'><a target='_blank' href='http://www.thedailyshow.com/full-episodes/index.jhtml'>Daily Show Full Episodes</a><br /><a target='_blank' href='http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/important_things/index.jhtml'>Important Things With Demetri Martin</a></div><div style='width:177px; float:left;'><a target='_blank' href='http://www.indecisionforever.com'>Funny Political News</a><br /><a target='_blank' href='http://www.jokes.com'>Joke of the Day</a></div><div style='clear:both'></div></div><div style='clear:both'></div></div>
The wife asked me is there is anything she could do to improve her blow job technique. I told her she should do it more like her sister.